Perspectives on Gastroenteritis

If you have been here long enough then you know there is nothing I love more than a good, old fashioned stomach bug to savage the house, leaving no one behind. Ah yes, what would the world be like without such bold little germies ravaging our digestive system until we're fairly certain we just lost our colon?

Much better, that's what! I often wonder what the heck was going through God's mind on the eighth day when he decided that what the world really needed now were some pain in the ass germs to wreck havoc on families all over the good, green Earth! Yay, God. Nice going on that one! Really, we appreciate the occasional deep cleaning, thanks....right up there with a good root canal sans Novacaine....performed by a lab money on crack....

But seriously, last week was one of those weeks. No one was spared. Not even the cat. (Although my guess is his issues have nothing to do with ours....just a hunch.) But I learned a very valuable lesson last week that I must share with you so pay attention; this is important stuff. Apparently, it is NOT a good idea to run 16 miles when you have a stomach bug. For those who are non-runners, or at least non-crazy runners, or perhaps just not me, you are shaking your heads: "Well, duh. Who in their right mind would think to run 16 miles when they were that sick?"

Uh, me? In my defense, I don't claim to be in my right mind while training for marathons. I think those two things are mutually exclusive actually. I'll google it and get back to you. But seriously, after those first few miles, when I had to jump off the treadmill and run to the bathroom, I thought, well, that was weird but maybe the pheasant we ate the night before (you know, the ones that Kurt hunted last fall) just didn't sit right. So, I kept going. After the next pit stop, another 5 or so miles later, I started wondering if maybe it was more than the pheasant. (You'd think the sick kids would have given that away....) Then, after 16 miles, when I was done with that days mileage yet stuck in the bathroom I realized: Houston, we have a problem.

Between the dehydration from running (with my legs and otherwise) and my inability to eat more than half a banana, I lost just under five pounds that day. It's like the diet they don't like to publicize because it is so darn effective they are afraid everyone will try it. And then die. (No, I don't know who "they" are either. Just go with it.) By the end of the day, I started looking a wee bit less like an athlete and a wee bit more like one of those shrunken heads on a stick you see in the movies. I thought I might be scaring the children but they seemed morbidly obsessed with sitting in the bathroom and watching me wallow in my vulnerability. Such good times we had. Oh yes we did.

But, the best part was that it gave me a chance to find out what really goes on in my bathroom when I am not there.

First, there was Solly making monster silhouettes behind the window shade up behind my bathtub.
(Imagine the photo here because apparently, although I thought I was taking cellphone pictures from the luxury of my throne, not a single one survived the upload before my computer joyfully erased them....at least that is what I think happened....it couldn't have been that I was too out of my mind to not actually be taking the pictures I thought I was taking....)

Then, there was Solly chasing the cat into the shower, holding him captive inside. I wasn't so worried about Solly being in the shower, actually it might be a fairly safe place to keep him come to think of it. But in this instance he had taken a drum stick with him and well, it didn't seem to bode well for the cat because if there is one thing cats like less than water, it is a two year old wielding a drum stick.

Finally, there was Solly crawling up onto the counter, getting all cozy in the sink and then rattling a bottle of medicine while playing with the electric razor.

Remind me to get a lock for my bathroom door.

Have a great week y'all. And remember, keep those hands washed up right nice! And when you get sick anyway, look on the bright side, if you can find it.....(Hint: it can usually be found about 24-48 hours later.....good luck!)