What IS Wrong With Me? (Please don't answer that….)

I just got an email from my dear friend in China who, after reading my latest post, emailed me to ask one simple question:

What is wrong with you?!?!

I had to scroll down to see that she was responding to my blog about dead bunny pictures and that is when I actually reread the post and realized there were two, not one, but TWO MAJOR TYPOS in the very beginning of that post. (ARGH! SAY IT AIN'T SO!!!!!)

WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO, DEAR READERS?????? I don't know what is wrong with me, Dawn….first dead bunny pictures (well, if he keeps napping in the middle of the yard there will be dead bunny pictures…..) And now this! Of course, maybe the question isn't what is wrong with me but what is wrong with that blasted rabbit?!?!

I am assuming her email was referring to me trying to take those pictures and not about the fact that I failed to properly edit that post. Either way, my apologies to all. If you saw the condition under which I was writing recently you would have far more compassion for my ridiculous oversights….And anyway, it's not a huge deal, I mean, no one died. (Not even a bunny.)

But, for Solomon's sake, I hope I don't forget to double check the boxes, too!

Dead Bunnies and Other Musings

The other day I saw a small bunny laying in the neighbors yard. Sure he was dead, and quite irritated with my cat, whom I was also sure had been the offender in the crime, I grabbed my camera and ran outside to take a picture. As I approached however, the bunny jumped up from his restful position and darted off into the shrubs. Walking back to the house it occurred to me that I was just about to take pictures of a dead bunny. I am not 100% sure when someone is considered to be warped but I believe this might be heading in that direction if not already certifiable.

Anyway, I went back in to continue working on one of my other current issues. You see, I am trying to get rid of the crib, I really am. I am not holding onto it in hopes of having another baby (although I will admit I could be talked into it....not a sentiment shared by my husband and alas, that time has passed.) The problem is that there is a new crib recall like every ten seconds it seems and for all sorts of random things. Slats too wide, slats too close, crib side drops down, color doesn't match the ideal baby color of the day (or maybe it was just toxic paint, whatever); you name it, I am sure there is a recall.

So, even though our beautiful, EXTREMELY expensive high-end-because-we-were-first-time-parents-and-didn't-have-a-clue-but-good-thing-we-were-clueless-because-it-lasted-through-5-kids-(plus-someone-else-paid-for-it) crib has safely cradled (or in the case of Solomon, imprisoned) at least five sleeping babies, not to mention guests, for over 10 years, it has been recalled because apparently some company made a flawed drop-down sided crib that someone probably put together wrong in the first place and it squished their baby. I am not undermining the tragedy in this but I do take issue with ALL cribs of a particular style being recalled because of what is probably just one or two poor manufacturers and several hundred lawyers. Which brings me back to my issue: we cannot sell our crib or even donate it due to liability reasons and this is such a shame because it is still a fine piece of furniture.

After typing a very brief version of the above to a group of friends whom I have recently been giving all my worldly possessions to (save one or two....hundred), I got a request for pictures, because a friend of a friend of a friend might be interested.

I spent half an hour sifting through almost 9000 pictures before I finally found one with the crib in it.....

And yet, I would have had no problem sending her a picture of a dead bunny….you know, had it not still been alive.

Priorities people, priorities.


One Sided Conversations

Here is a sampling of things I have found myself saying in the last 7 days:

"Get out of the freezer Solly,…..no, all the way out…."

"Solly, what did you do with the rest of my guitar case?"

"Solomon, no poking a million tiny holes in the moving boxes! Give me that screwdriver!……(ten minutes later)…. SOLLLLY! No digging a gigantic hole in the boxes either! Where did you get that second screwdriver?!?!"

"Solomon, where is your diaper? Wait, NOOOOO! We don't pee on the carpets!!!!!"

At the doctors: "No hanging from the Sharps container Solomon!"

To Solly's teacher (as I am running out the door): "Um, sorry about the tape measurer……and the basting brush….and good luck getting that coat on him!"

It is so much fun having a Solomonster. Really. I don't know what we'd do without him…..other than be calmer and possibly more relaxed and be able to move to Mars without Swiss Cheese-like boxes…...



Madeline: What does ADD mean?
Aidan: Attention Deficit......(He pauses, gazing off into the near distance with a hazy stare).....um....



How Many is Too Many?

A friend recently commented that whenever he reads my posts he gets the feeling that my life is completely frantic and full of frenzy, or something like that.....I thought about inviting him to trade places for a couple of days so he could see for himself, but decided to just try for calm instead. So, after I finish my deep breathing, I shall dedicate this post (that I wrote almost a week ago before the Renovation Storm hit our home and one thing after another has been piling up ever since, God help us all!) to him. Here it goes.....

How Many is Too Many?

This isn't going to be a rhetorical post on drinking too much, as the title might suggest (although that might not be too far off topic). I just wanted to share a funny story from church today. (And no, I am not implying that church and intoxication have anything at all in common....patience my dear reader, patience.)

Today during Sunday School the teacher asked the preschoolers how many kids were in their families. The three year old next to Solomon proudly answered:

"There are two kids in my family."

The teachers looked at Solomon and asked him how many kids were in his family.

"Too many," he replied.

While I can't argue with his answer, after all, there are days (or is it far too many moments in each and every day!....doh, scratch that.....calm, calm, deep calming breaths....) where I share the same sentiment, what Solomon fails to understand just yet is that he is in fact the "too" in our "many." Let's be honest: no one questioned our having the first one, two, or even three kids. Yes, a few people got a little concerned when we announced the fourth was on his way. But it wasn't until the fifth that the majority of people did one of three things: laugh, question our sanity, or question our understanding of basic biology. (And then there are those who did all three!)

But really, while it is our fifth child who inspired us (read: pushed us over the edge) to buy into a membership at the local wine store, it is also our fifth who leaves us questioning why we ever decided to stop having kids. (No, no, you do not need to remind me of the 'why' here.....we have no intention of reversing what has already been done....sheesh, you'd think I just announced we were planning another!) He is that kind of kid though; the kind you love more than you thought possible even though he is a complete disaster who wrecks havoc at least most of the time and in all situations possible. I think this is kind of how God must feel: Hey, look at the incredible chaos I created! I can't help but love it to pieces.....Now Eve, put down that fruit.....Adam, didn't I tell you not to.....Gaaaaah! Dang kids....

Or something like that.

p.s. I don't have an answer to the question "how many is too many" because some days, one feels like too many, while others, well wait, come to think of it, one is usually too many.....

Just kidding, just kidding. The answer is definitely 3. (No, no it isn't. But I bet the Old Woman would know....you know, the one living in the shoe....) Ok, I'll stop now.

(Wasn't this just oozing calm?! It was like a bucket of calm just got poured out over the page.....can't you just feel it?) Seriously. I'm done.

Have a great weekend, friends!