Huckleberry Solofinn

Here's the deal, I don't always do things like normal people. I know, shocking. And while I give my kids a hard time about forgetting things I tell them, and doing things in ways that make absolutely no sense at all, they come by it very honestly. You see, being a very physical, hands-on learner, I find that if something doesn't literally hit me in the head, I will either not learn it at all, or at the very least, forget about it entirely. (And hit me in the head hard enough and all is lost too I assure you....it's called a fine line guys.)

So when dealing with Solly's preschool, I find it best if I just skirt around the edge, tiptoeing in and out, trying to stay under the radar because I know that I have probably forgotten the snack that day or the field trip last week or someone's (I dunno, perhaps my own kid's) birthday because none of those things jumped out and hit me in the head. (Calendars are so overrated.) And if you don't believe me, ask me what this random soccer mom and I talked about for an hour on Monday night.....I remember as clear as day because her oldest daughter accidentally hit me in the nose with a ping pong ball right in the middle of the conversation and while the other mom was mortified, I thought, "Oh Thank God, it isn't just MY kids!"....ok, ok, I also remember because we talked about how she wanted to move to a farm and raise goats and Alpacas and so obviously I loved her instantly!

But, I digress.....in all fairness, though, I feel I have earned the right to be apathetic about preschool having four kids who have survived to tell about it and done just fine without me drilling them with flashcards.....those moms who are freaking out about whether little Betty Sue is mastering her letters or Johnny can write his name legibly in four languages, well, they only have one kid, maybe two, so they probably should be worried (seriously, what is WRONG with their kids.....don't know their numbers to 100 yet?! Sheesh!) Quite honestly, I am just happy when Solomon doesn't smell like urine when I drop him off late in yesterday's clothes. (You gotta pick your battles people!) And the teachers know it, too. And since I know that they know I don't care, I avoid them like the plague. Kurt asked just the other day if I was at all curious to find out about Solomon's issues with "Fwanky" and I had to explain to him that I don't choose to talk to the teachers unless I absolutely have to since they already think I am a nut. He didn't even try to assure me that they don't, because apparently he is finally catching on. And that was disappointing because I was all prepared with my latest "teacher interaction" story, the one that went like this:

Me (upon dropping off Solly and our neighbor, Cody): Hi, Miss Nolan. Cody's mom told me to tell you that she......(I pause, because it was at this moment I realized I could not remember what Cody's mom had told me to tell them, like seven minutes earlier....didn't hit me in the head!)

Teacher (staring at me with what I am guessing was not amusement): Yes?

Me: Um, she told me to tell you that she will drop off the thing that she has at their house.....I just can't currently recall what that thing is. I think she said she had to wash it?

Teacher, with complete condescension: You mean the class dog?

Me, all excited: Is his name Oreo? Then yes! That's it! She said she would drop him off after she washed him. Something about Cody being sick and her wanting to make sure the dog was clean....

Teacher: Ok, then. Great. Thanks for that....Nut Job. (No, she did not call me a nut job, not out loud at least.)

At any rate, and forgive me when I get off track even more here, when Solly announces that, "I made good choices in school today," I know he means it and what he also means is that usually he doesn't make such great choices but today was so, incredibly different that his teachers actually commented to him that he had behaved well. (Good job, kid. Way to meet the average expectations for your age group....once.) Madeline and Lily have quite accurately compared him to little Davy in the Anne of Green Gables series while Kurt says he is more like Huck Finn and needs a swift lesson in being civilized. I am fairly certain that we will have to outsource the civilization of Huckleberry Solofinn if it is to happen at all. This kid is not like the others. Seriously.

Just yesterday we were watching Aidan's swim practice (and by watching, I mean I was watching while listening for the sounds of Solofinn playing with some large, detached metal piece of the bleachers underneath me.....hey, at least I knew where he was....) when I realized I could no longer hear him (scratch that part about knowing where he was!) I immediately went searching and found him in front of the fire extinguisher box, banging on the extinguisher with the handle he had broken off the door, presumably about to douse the place in fire retardant. I grabbed him, Liam and our stuff and we went to wait in the car. (Aidan should be thanking me for not allowing Solomon the chance to make a big scene. Happy Birthday, Aidan! And you're welcome!)

He's just not like the other kids, this one. He comes in this cute little bundle of love so it is hard to get too mad but on the flip side he is wrapped in destruction.....it's like a sweet little puppy coming in for a hug....but with a machete tail. Who doesn't love a puppy wagging a machete behind them?

But, try as I might, I can't get mad at him. Yesterday, entirely exasperated at the little boys hanging on me, and completely ready to call it quits, I yelled out: "Why?! Why must you always crawl into my lap and hang from me when I am trying to work? Why?!"

To which Solly sweetly answered: "Because I LOVE YOU!"

And that, dear readers, is how he has managed to stay alive for four, very, very long years. I just have to remind myself to be careful when he turns around.....that tail is a b!%@h!


Car Talk with Solly

Driving with Solomon in the back of the car is always an interesting experience. If he isn't belting out the words to various Rock-n-Roll songs, he comes up with some great conversation starters. Here are a few recent Solomon conversations from the car:

Solomon gave a little cough the other day before casually stating: "Mom, you need to check me when we get home."
"Why's that, Solly?" I asked.
"Um, because there's a penny in my throat.....I think it's going to my tummy."

Ah, yes, the good appetizer penny. What's that about a penny saved? Whomever said it is welcome to save this one because I think I will pass.....and just hope that the penny does, too.


"Mom, Franky is in my class." (Well, that's what he tried to say but his "R" isn't so clear yet so it sounds more like Fwanky.)
"Oh, that's nice." I replied.
"I don't like her," he stated firmly.
"Oh....why's that?" I asked.
"She never calls my name........ So I don't like her and sometimes, well, I just call her Fwanka."

Then later in the week, as we were driving to school, Solomon announced: "I don't want to go to school today!"
"Well, I'm sorry to hear that but you have to go," I told him.
"Noo! I HATE school!" he exclaimed.
"You're four," I said calmly. "You are not allowed to hate school."
"But Fwanky is there....and I don't like Fwanky! That Fwanka!"

I swear he thinks he is calling her a bad name. Good ol' Franka. While I believe we have already covered this, I have to say, I feel sorry for this Franky kid....I don't know how long Solly will go before channeling his inner Lily or um, Mr. T (I pity the fool who....) and go take her out in some fashion. I should probably warn the teachers but they already think I'm a nut (and rightly so) so I doubt they'd believe me. Next thing you know though, he will be spiking her apple juice with his spit and wiping boogers in her hair the moment before he gives her ponytail a good yank. Just saying. Fwanka, be warned!

Have a great day, y'all!