Funny.....But Wrong!

News Flash: Lily has struck again.

We went to the wedding of our best babysitter ever this weekend with all four kids in tow. (I'll admit, tears shed on our part were only semi-happiness as we see the loss of a great caregiver in our near future!) Now, while I don't recommend EVER going to a wedding (or anywhere else for that matter) with four young children, this was entirely called for since the bride is good friends with our kids as well. At any rate, after the ceremony and before the reception, we were waiting outside at a table with a nut mix centerpiece. After the nuts were no longer novel, Kurt was off gathering drinks for the kids, Liam found a "friend" to walk around collecting rocks with, Aidan became best buddies with nine-year-old twin boys whose end game seemed to be "who can gather the most grass stains in the shortest amount of time" and Madeline and Lily were just hanging around, fluttering in and out of playing with other kids and yanking my dress too far down as I spoke to some other parents.

Needless-to-say, our table was soon taken over by an older couple who seemed to enjoy just watching the action. Not too long thereafter, Lily, being Lily, decided to go sit down with the older couple. From what they told us, the conversation she had with them went something like this:

"Well, how old are you?" the woman asked Lily.

"I'm four. How old are you?" Lily asked the woman.

"Why, I'm 72," she replied.

Lily, getting up from the table, hunched her back over as far as she could, unsteadily started to creep around, shaking her arms and limping and asked, "Does that mean you walk like this?"

Move over Emily Post!


Chick-lead Worship

It was a Sunday. Kurt was out of town and I was preparing for a Baby Shower Luncheon I was to host the next day when I realized I had made the ghastly mistake of taking away screen time from the kids for some minor infraction earlier in the day. We had missed church that morning due to Lily having had a random fever the previous night so in a last ditch effort to gain some kid-free prep time, I sat them down and told them they were going to have to prepare a worship service for me.

"What?" Aidan questioned. "We can't do that. We aren't adults."

"Of course you can," I assured him.

"How?" he asked.

"Well, you will be in charge of picking out a bible story and planning a sermon to preach, " I said, his mouth dropping open. "Madeline, you will be in charge of picking out some church songs you know and leading us in music. Lily, you are going to be in charge of praying."

"What? I can't pray," Lily said. "I don't know how."

"Sure you do. You pray before dinner and bedtime everyday," I said. "Just take those prayers and make up your own similar to them."

"Ooooooh, I see," she said.

Aidan still looked like he was uncertain.

"Why do I have to preach?" he asked. "I'm only a kid, you should preach."

"Sorry, you are in charge of the preaching. Just read the story and figure out what it means and tell us that," I said, sending them upstairs to figure it all out.

I had barely enough time to clear the table when Aidan came down to tell me they were ready. (So much for the extra time.)

We got upstairs where Aidan had built an extremely well fortified, four foot block tower in the middle of the room and carefully placed his bible on top. (I have to admit, I was already impressed.)

Madeline, Lily and I sat in front of him as he read us the story of Jesus' birth. About half way through, Liam comes running out of the bathroom with about ten feet of toilet paper streaming behind him. Aidan doesn't look up so I quietly throw as much of it back into the bathroom as I can while pulling Liam into my lap. The girls stifle their giggles.

"So, does anyone know what this story is about?" Aidan questions us as he finishes the reading. Madeline raises her hand.

"Yes, Madeline," Aidan says.

"It's about God's love for us and how he gives us Jesus," she replies.

"That's close, Madeline," Aidan says. "This story is about how God loves us so much he sends Jesus here to teach us how to live. Ok, Madeline, your turn."

Madeline jumps up and begins belting out Jesus Loves Me, hushing us when we try to join in. She then sits back down, telling Lily it is her turn. Lily gets up in front and starts into Johnny Appleseed, with a twist.

"Ooooh, the Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord, for giving me food, and love, and a mom and a dad, and all the stuff he gives us. Amen," she sing-songs, sitting back down. Liam is raising his hand at this point with a huge smile on his face.

"Liam wants a turn," Madeline shouts.

"Ok, Liam, what would you like to sing?" I ask, as he waddles up front. He immediately signs Baby Signing Time and we all laugh, singing the chorus to his favorite DVD. He runs off into another room when he is finished.

At this point, Aidan notices the toilet paper on the floor and, hanging a rather large piece around his neck, explains that if he is going to be the preacher, he needs one of these.

"Ahh, your stole," I tell him. "Of course!"

Aidan goes to his make-shift pulpit and with a bit more confidence, chooses a second story to read us. After he is done, Liam comes running out with The Money Monster (that is, Lily's very greedy and obnoxious talking piggy bank.) I start laughing.

"Well, if we are going to worship, we had better collect the offering!" I tell him.

Madeline gets up to lead us in Praise Ye the Lord and then Lily decides she will do another rendition of Johnny Appleseed. Liam starts signing Baby Signing Time again so we all join him when it occurs to me, every worship service ought to have The Lord's Prayer.

"Hey, Aidan, would you please lead us in the Lord's Prayer?" I ask.

"Ok!" he says as he eagerly jumps back up in front. "Dear Lord, Thank you for giving us all the things you give us and for sending Jesus here to earth to show us how to live better lives. And thank you for...(He went on for a good minute, praying better than many adults, albeit not The Lord's Prayer.) "Amen."

"Um, Aidan, that was a wonderful prayer, but it wasn't The Lord's Prayer," I said.

"Yes, it was," he corrected me. "Ooooh, wait, I know what you mean," he said. And we began, "Our Father....."

There is nothing quite like a kid-lead worship service to start the week. Next time, I just gotta remember the video camera!


This Week's Lily Quips

We were driving down the road when I called to attention the fact that the car smelled terrible. (A cup full of milk had soured somewhere yet I had not been able to find it.)

Lily quickly replied, "No mom, that's not the car."

"It isn't?" I asked.

"No, it's Madeline," she said with certainty; which was met with screams of horror from the accused sitting next to her.

And let me just tell you, it's really hard to admonish a child when you are quietly snickering....


"Mom, who's the fattest in our family?" Aidan asked while we were sitting at lunch the other day.

"Well, no one is really fat in our family, Aidan," I told him.

"Yah huh! YOU are!" Lily instantly quipped, almost shouting.

With as much drama as I could muster I gasped, "LILY! I am NOT fat!"

Lily's eyes widened as she sunk deep into her chair and mumbled, "Maybe just a little fat though, right?"

Hee hee, ok, maybe just a little on the "rounder-out-front" side.....


The Broccoli

What happens when the novice gardener (a.k.a me) doesn't know it's harvest time:

And because Kurt gave me a hard time about putting the beautiful flowering broccoli in a vase, this could also be labeled:

What happens when you don't ever give your spouse flowers....


What happens when you chop down every last hydrangea bloom on the plant out back (and throw them away!) without asking....


Need I go on? :)