Some Days Are Just Like That

How I envisioned my morning (for the visual learner):

Order, beauty, peace, calm.....with a hint of glory....

Here's how it actually happened:

You know, with less pretty colors and far more unruly explosives.....

I found myself withholding an extreme case of maniacal laughter when the front desk lady at the school told the kids (directed at me of course), "Well, I can't excuse a tardy for that." And instead of making some snide comment back I looked at her with a pleasant smile and replied with a big shrug: "Great, you don't have to!" (Read: I don't care!) But I knew my day was going the wrong direction when not even five minutes later I found my car blocked in by two school buses waiting to pick up a class for their field trip. And when I asked nicely and the bus driver wouldn't move, not even an inch, to let me out, I started to wonder if getting up today was even worth it. (And had to force myself to think happy thoughts so that I didn't end up on the nightly news: Angry Mom in jail tonight over bus incident.....in which she repeatedly rammed into the side of a school bus because he wouldn't move out of her way.)

Twenty minutes later, when I was checking out of the grocery store, trying to go really fast in order to make it to Solomon's school on time for drop-off, and I had a problem with the self-service scanner and the employee who was supposed to be there to help said I'd have to wait for her to finish stocking the entire lottery machine because she certainly couldn't leave it open for a second and apparently there is no other way like closing it up and helping customers and then opening it up again....oh wait, there IS another way.... I looked to the heavens (by way of rolling my eyes toward my forehead with a deep, deep breath) and saw God winking at me.

God can be a real jerk.

Here's hoping for a better start tomorrow!


Moving to Mars

I don't know why it is but every time I say I will never do something, I always end up doing just that. Sometimes it is years and years later but I swear, the word 'never' must be a trigger to the force watching over us. It's like, "Oooooooh, reeeeeally? You will never _________???" (Insert mocking James Earl Jones-like voice which you can somehow feel taking notes on a gigantic notepad app in the sky.)

You see, once upon a time, I swore I would never live in Pittsburgh, home of the greatest sports fans (and teams) on earth. Why might you ask? 99% because I am a sunshine loving girl from Florida, the state to which all former Pittsburgh residents seem to flock (there must be a reason right?) and Pittsburgh, well, I understand it is a teensy tiny bit GRAY compared to what I know and love.

But, I also swore at one time that I would never live in MN (ahem) and yet, well, you can see how that turned out. I could go on and on and on. But I will spare you the list.

So when Minnesota raised its state income tax to almost 10% and Kurt brought up the idea of moving this past year, we began to explore our options. We started with Wyoming (0% income tax, great skiing), then thought maybe Colorado would be better (until we made the trip out anyway), passed over Tennessee (where I think I left my heart on the way home to FL this summer) and North Carolina (you think FL is hot and muggy? Try Charlotte in a heat wave!). But I knew, the second I asked the question, "Why aren't we considering PA?" that there would be no place else. The surprised excitement in Kurt's eyes, the second and third round of "Are you sure?" questioning.....his utter delight in the very idea of moving close to his hometown told me that he could not think of a better option: not one, single, better place on earth.

And so, at the end of the calendar year, we are moving to Mars. Yes, you read that right. And I will take great joy in being able to say it again, and again, and again because HOW FUNNY (and perfect) IS THAT?! While it is really Mars Borough, PA, in Adams Township, in the north hills of Pittsburgh, I can still say we are moving to Mars. And that, in and of itself, makes it worth every bit of stress that comes with a huge move.

Kurt: You know I will never refer to it as Mars. It will always be Adams Township.
Me: That's funny because you know I will never refer to it as Adams Township. It will always be Mars....As a matter of fact, I won't move if it isn't to Mars. (So there!.... If he thinks that is bad, just wait until he sees our return address labels!)

I can't go into all the details now, but I will tell you this: they include almost 8 acres of land, an incredible house and the potential for lots of chickens (well, at least some chickens...and maybe a horse....and a flying squirrel....yes, I am serious about that too; what can I say, Lily will always be Lily!)

"Hey Mom, look! A flying saucer."
So worth it.

P.S. I will never win the lottery...... (Hey, it's worth a shot!)


Eleven Stories in Three Sentences or Less


1. Sleepovers

I hate them.
The end.


2. Crickets

A cricket moved into the corner of our basement recently.
He's a little schmuck.


3. Solomon

I have never considered the "terrible twos" to be so terrible. Then Solomon, who apparently takes after the cricket, entered his 'twos'. (I pretty much feel the same way about both of them.)


4. Sharing

Me: Well Solly, maybe Liam is nice enough to share with you if you ask politely.
Liam: No....I'm not.


5. Lesson Learned (Again)

No matter how sneaky you think you are, never try to out maneuver a urinating five year old boy. Trust me when I tell you, this is not one of those places to 'try, try again' because even if you successfully get those shoes and clothes off once, you will lose eventually. And I promise you, it simply ain't worth it folks!


6. Potty Training

Potty training is typically not much fun for parents. It is even less so when your stubborn two year old won't accept bribes incentives. Seriously, what kid turns down M&Ms as a reward????


7. Answer (To #6)

Mine does. Please refer to story #3 for a more thorough explanation.


8. First Message From the 3rd Grade Writing Teacher

"The first month will be highly focused on writing a good sentence into a good paragraph. We will also start into a diary of an animal project during the first month."

Um, I'm kind of thinking I should have my third grader volunteer to teach the class.


9. True Confessions of a Skeptical Mom

I have yet to turn in a single health form for my four school-aged kids this year. They are completely filled out and sitting in my car but I thought I'd see how long it takes before our "rigorous charter school, which holds all students and staff to the highest of standards and expects extreme accountability blah blah blah" realizes the oversight. So far, it seems that they care about the forms about as much as I cared to fill them out.


10. My Shampoo

The shampoo I use proudly boasts that it is Sulfate Free, Paraben Free, Gluten Free and 100% Vegan.
Apparently I am supposed to eat it.....? (If only it was Kosher because everyone knows Kosher soap tastes far better than its non-kosher competitors!)


11. On Blogging

It is much easier when you don't actually post anything (duh).

Please know I have had my reasons for neglecting the blog: reasons for good, not for evil (for the most part), reasons to bring on a more hopeful future.... I will bring you more regular posts once those reasons settle down into their routine and we begin to function like a normal family of seven (who is preparing for yet another gigantic move)......


Have a great week, my friends!

p.s. I dedicate this post to my dear friend Kim who thinks any post/email/text over, say, four sentences should be punishable by law. At least the stories were short, right? ;)