As if I didn't learn my lesson the first time, (think Liam's Horrific Halloween Party....the one where I didn't show up with the entire class's snacks until.....ah, just read it here) I opted to volunteer for the 6th Grade Spring Party so that I could make an effort to be more involved with Aidan's life. (Also known as SPYING.)
As luck would have it, they stuck me on Face Painting, which means, not only would I be actually engaging with a bunch of 11 and 12 year old kids (rather than silently judging from a distance) but I would not even once see my own son, who, in an effort to avoid me and the embarrassment I would most likely bestow on him, walked clear to the other side of the party once he saw where I had landed (he even passed up the chance at free Oreos and the Pizza table so as to avoid me! Kids.)
At any rate, for those of you who don't know me, I actually like face painting. I like the freedom to draw ridiculous things all over a kid's face and tell them how awesome it is (all the while snickering at the thought of those innocent parents who have to clean it up later through gritted teeth....I do believe I may have some issues). And I will admit, I thoroughly enjoyed this particular experience.
You see, as it turns out, 6th graders are all forming their little packs and clubs and cliques and when they get their face painted, they all want the exact same thing as the rest of their pack, you know, to be different. It's like a silly initiation ritual or something. And they were coming to me to help them. Ha ha. Ha ha ha.
So the first girl that sat down was part of a group of five girls who all wanted a sweet, simple rainbow like they saw on the suggestion sheet on the table. NOT! That would be WAY too easy. What they actually wanted was for each of them to walk away with a ridiculous black mustache, beard and uni-brow. (Why they would want such a thing is beyond me but who am I to question the wisdom of 6th grade girls?) So, I got right to work. I had each of them pick out a different color to add some variety and contrast to their black 'staches and then suggested we add long eyelashes underneath the brow. They were thrilled. After running into the bathroom to check themselves out, they came running back for more. (I had just completed a series of triangles on a group of boys' foreheads who were all too scared to put an eyeball in the middle....so they walked off with dumb triangles on their faces. And they didn't even laugh when I asked, "What kind of triangle you looking for? Equilateral? Right triangle? Wrong one?".....so I botched them up on purpose. Just kidding.)
But I digress. The girls came back and confided in me that the codeword for their club was "chickenbutt" and could I please write it across each of their foreheads.
Chicken Butt. CHICKEN BUTT. Seriously. It's like the universe is feeding me folks!
And while the fun part of me thought, "Hey, that's fantastic! Let's do this!", you will be pleased (and probably a wee bit shocked) to know that I do have a mature, adult-ish side that actually sent in a veto here.
"You know girls," I said, quietly and very seriously. "I will tell you the truth. I have a thing for chickens. And while I would love to do what you are requesting, I kind of think I might be stepping over some lines if I write that particular phrase on your foreheads. And I really don't want to get any of us in trouble so what if I just write 'Chicken...' as if to imply the code word without actually writing it all out? Our little secret, you see?"
You could tell immediately that I was their hero.....the wind beneath their chicken butt wings....because their ridiculous (manly drawn) faces lit up in excitement at the little secret about to be scribbled on their foreheads. They all sat down, allowed me to write "Chicken..." across their faces and then ran off giggling to take selfies and declare themselves the coolest girls in the school.
You'd think Aidan would be showing me off to his friends at this point but alas, writing "Chicken..." on a bunch of girls' foreheads, above their unibrow and mustache/beard combo, apparently doesn't cut it for 6th grade boys. I think his exact words were: "You know you have issues right?" But really, I can hardly be blamed for this one. It's the universe's sick fault! It's like I'm being egged on here.....hee hee hee.
Have a great day!
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