Along for the Laugh

Here is a short story to make you feel like a really, super awesome parent.....(apparently some of us are just going long for the laugh)....enjoy.

How I Accidentally Killed a Guy

As you know, Solomon has a knack for getting into mischief. (Think Curious George but with far more screaming, bigger costs....oh, and headaches.) The other day, he got into some pet supplies I had placed in a drawer in the laundry room (where he had served his hundredth time-out of the hour) and even when I noticed him holding a thermometer in his mouth in the car a little later, I didn't think much of it until we were standing in line to pick up the girls from school that afternoon. Solomon had spontaneously made friends with another little boy who had a green matchbox car. They were playing nicely, even taking turns with the little car, while the other mom was watching like a hawk. I do not know if she just sensed the monster within Solly that is always at the ready, if she was worried he would try to steal the car (which he would) or if she was watching her own son's behavior (which I could assure her was just fine relatively speaking), but it was very clear she was not too keen on our two boys playing together. They were having a grand old time none the less. They chased each other through the line, pushed the car along the windows and hung on the railing together, essentially creating their own entertainment (which I think became amusing to everyone when you saw the stress it created for Helicopter Mom.)  And that is when Solly pulled out the thermometer from his pocket, as if to share his most beloved object with his new friend. He stuck it in his mouth and then held it towards the little boy's face, you know, to share the experience with his new friend. Suddenly realizing where he had obtained the thermometer, I jumped in at that moment, quickly snatched the thermometer away before the other kid had a chance to touch it and jammed it into my pocket while explaining to the boys that it really wasn't a great toy actually.

The man next to me quietly noted how closely the other mom seemed to be watching the boys and how horrified she looked in that moment. I chuckled as I replied, "If she only knew that that was our cat's rectal thermometer."

He didn't stop laughing until he choked on his gum and died.

(Ok, ok, so he actually didn't die but he laughed so hard that by the end he felt the need to introduce himself, as if I were some parenting Goddess whose very presence was sacred and had made him speak in tongues by way of fits of laughter and joy. I wish everyone understood me so well.)

(Ok, ok, ok, he probably just wanted to make sure he knew who I was and more importantly, which children to keep his own away from, but I like my first theory better.)

Thus ends the story of how you are a far better parent then you realize (and of the most disgusting moment in Solomon's life to date, although, my guess is we have not seen the worse of it.....just sayin.')

Have a great week everyone!

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