Cockfight

A cockfight is a blood sport between two roosters, held in a ring called a cockpit. Cockfighting is now illegal throughout the United States and in most of Europe....Cockfighting is considered a heinous blood sport by animal welfare activists and others, due in some part to the physical trauma the cocks inflict on each other. -Wikipedia

Shoot, if they pay attention to homes across America, they may outlaw having more than one kid! Seriously, I don't understand why anyone would breed roosters for the sake of watching them fight. Just have a couple kids. It's legal and their fights are much more creative.

For example, a couple nights ago, Madeline came running out of her room, screaming that Lily had bit her. Sure enough, there was the Lily-sized bite mark, on her back, right near the shoulder blade.

Lily came waltzing in, a concerned look on her face and said, "Mai Jane bite herself. Mai Jane bite HERSELF." You know, because Madeline Jane has the bloodline of Elastigirl (from the Incredibles....oh come on, tell me you have seen the Incredibles! It's only the best animated Superhero movie of this decade!) and she can bend her neck at a full 180 degrees and down to her shoulder blade. And not only can she bend herself like a Gumby toy but she likes to bite herself for amusement...you never know when we'll need a good dental impression. But, you have to give Lily credit for trying. She's only two and already understand the importance of maintaining the illusion of innocence.

And then last night, after finally getting the kids settled into their rooms (and by settled I mean they had finally stopped coming out every few minutes to get one last hug, or kiss, or ask again what we are doing tomorrow, or what day it is, or whether it is night yet, or "QUICKLY, I HAVE TO GO PEE AGAIN!" and were playing somewhat quietly before actually getting into their beds), Lily came running out, whimpering pathetically. I swooped her up, prepared to put her in bed and lock the door. We entered the room and Lily pointed to her arm and said, "Mai Jane hit me, Mommy. Mai Jane hit me."

Madeline replied, "I didn't hit you, Lily.....I bit you."

"Mai Jane bite me, Mommy," Lily said enthusiastically.

"I didn't do anything, Mom," Madeline casually responded....again, we're still working on the deception around here...obviously.

Then there are the fights with inanimate objects, if a treadmill can be called inanimate. Picture this: Rotisserie Lily jumping to the bar of the treadmill, WHILE I AM WORKING OUT ON IT. I react by placing my hands on top of hers as if to keep her from slipping. This is one of those times where initial reactions should have been tossed to the wayside, you know, like trying to swim against the rip tide, or feeding that cute, little alligator...your initial reaction is simply not always the best reaction, especially when there is an actual STOP BUTTON for accident prevention. Duh!

At any rate, she laughs and when I let go, she lets go! Down tumbles Lily, onto the treadmill as I jump out of the way and helplessly watch her roll off the thing, landing on the floor with a thud. Quite unfortunately, her shoulder gets stuck under the belt so when she tries to get up, she ends up with a big patch of road burn....ok, treadmill burn, on her shoulder. Treadmill: 1, Lily: 0, Mommy: Idiot. Doh.

And finally, there are the fights that some kids have with their own bodies. This morning, as we were getting ready to leave I asked Lily, who's in the throws of potty training, if she needed to use the potty before we got in the car. She hopped up on the toilet and sat....and sat.....and sat....and sat, until my patience jumped up and ran out the door looking for the next unsuspecting victim TO TACKLE...

"Are you done yet?" I asked.

"No, Mommy," Lily grunted, straining with all her might. Then she looked up, the red draining from her face and added, "My bummy's broken."

You just can't get that from roosters.