Pet Chickens

Google provides a special service that promises to post ads relevant to your blog...

So far, the ads on my blog have been for: chicken eggs, pet chickens, free chicken coop plans, baby chicks for sale, and spider/bat competitions. And I think they may have given up trying to figure my blog out because lately they've gone all public-service on me...as if maybe, at the very least, one of you will want to make the world a better place perhaps?

Seriously....I don't even need to write about that...it's just funny.

But of course, I have to write about something...it's been almost a full week. How time dost fly.

Speaking of flies, did you know that CA has some of the LARGEST flies in existence? I know this to be true because as I was chuckling over the ad about building my own chicken coop, daydreaming about sending our 10 kids out to feed the pet chickens before milking Bessie and churning the butter, I noticed that what we really needed was something to keep our pet flies in. I'm afraid to actually kill the darned things for fear that the rest of the gang might come after me later, when I least expect it..like when I'm gathering the chicken eggs to make breakfast.

And I know that having chickens would be thoroughly entertaining to my kids. (Actually, having pet flies would too...) I know this because today we had a door-to-door salesman come by the house and my kids actually sat on the doorstep with the widest grins, thoroughly taking in what he was saying about the most incredible cleaning product ever, as if he were a traveling one-man circus show. And I am certain I would have ended up with a stockpile of cleaner had Kurt not come to the door, far less amused than we were. (He apparently missed the part where the guy SHOWED us it is so safe you can LICK it off your arm...because that is what makes a product a good cleaner...have you licked your bleach lately?)

I will admit, you could sell me practically anything. I do come from a family that owns SEVERAL leather bound encyclopedia sets...so it's not ALL my fault but still. How many magazines does a person need? I've got it down now so that when they come to our door, the conversation goes like this:

"Good day ma'am. My name is...."

"I'll take two. How much do I owe you?"

"But you don't know what I'm selling."

"It doesn't matter because in the end I will be totally convinced I need it so let's save us both the time and trouble."

A matter of fact, just a few weeks ago, Madeline and I were at the local farmer's market when one of the vendors (A.K.A. Evil Cake Guy) said, "Here, try a sample of cake."

"Oh, no thanks." I said. "If I try it, I might like it and then you will convince me to buy one."

"Oh, you don't have to buy one, I promise. But you and your daughter should try one. They are really good. I won't pressure you to buy one. I swear. It won't hurt hurt my feelings or anything like that."

"Ok," I said, handing a piece to Madeline while biting into THE MOST DELICIOUS CAKE I EVER HAD!

"Argh, I'll take two!"

And he actually tried to talk me OUT of buying the cake...

I know it has gotten bad too because recently I saw this infomercial for a product called ShamWOW! and in my half delirious state I convinced myself that I was really missing out. I mean, who couldn't use a towel that holds over 21 times its weight in liquid? Did you see how they dried off that sweater by just rolling it in the sham? I mean, THAT is awesome! So, we have this leak in the caulking under the shower door and the water puddles there if you aren't paying attention and when I looked down and saw it the other day I thought, "Too bad we don't have a shamwow right now." AND I MEANT IT!

Seriously, just send me my bill...and I'll lick that cleaner right up with my shamwow! And perhaps it will even clean up the coop for my pet chickens.