When the Rooster's Away

One thing that sometimes happens when you are a mother of 4, and your husband goes away for an extended weekend leaving you with the kids AND the tasks of planning a garage sale (because insanity has officially set in) and getting things ready to move back across the country, (a move that involves driving with aforementioned children for 3 days in a packed vehicle, through the blizzards of the midwest....because we are gluttons for punishment, that's why!), is that, well, priorities get shifted out of whack and you might get to day 3 without time for a real shower and then you realize that EWWWWWW! That smell is you!

It is then that you realize a shower is WAY past due. You know for sure because:

1. The mildew on your shower tile has died due to lack of precipitation.

2. You go to put your hair up in a French twist and it stays in place WITHOUT THE HAIR CLIP!

3. You are able to convert the insects (that have crawled out of the pipes and made homes in the shower) to religion because after an eternity of total drought you provide them with a great flood and only a few survive because of your merciful act of helping them OUT of the shower so that can go be fruitful and multiply. 

4. The stress you have been feeling merges with the oil on your skin and they list their IPO on the side of your face in such a place you can't NOT see it from the corner of your eye. 

5. You are sitting in church and realize that no one is sitting in the rows in front OR behind you and that's when it suddenly occurs to you, by way of your nostrils, why the early churches got into the habit of filling the cathedrals up with too much incense. 

6. Someone reminds you of Charlie Brown's Christmas Special and visions of Pigpen go prancing through your head.

7. When you go to bed, you decide to keep the socks on that you have been wearing all day because you think they might just be cleaner than your actual feet.

8. You don't bother changing out of your daily clothes and into your night clothes because you don't want to have to wash both sets in the morning. 

9. You go to shave and another razor bites the dust.

10. Your kids notice when you actually DO get to that shower....and they rejoice. 

It wasn't all so icky having Kurt out of town mind you....unless you count the time when Lily stuffed a Polly Pocket dress into her mouth, gagging herself and then vomiting all over the floor (did I mention how much I despise Polly?) or when Lily, in order to avoid sharing her water with Madeline, decided to pour it all out onto the sidewalk at the playground, and Madeline got down on her knees.....to lick it off the ground! Ewwww!  (But I can hardly talk!)

But, really, it was fine. Unless you count the garage sale clean-up....and I am not referring to the actual junk to haul off....I am referring to the fact that several young children were left to their own devices in the house most of the morning....it seriously looked like something out of Animal House by the end! (Complete with a random bathroom trough...) And then of course there was the Drop and Shop run by the church directly after the garage sale. What they didn't tell you at drop off was that when you picked up your kid, you would need to take them to detox at the local sugar rehab! Holy Smokes! I have never seen children as wired as mine. From the time I was supposed to pick them up and take them into the free dinner in the fellowship hall, to the time I had them all buckled into the car and headed home was 39 minutes. And the majority of that time was NOT spent eating dinner! No, it was spent telling a certain 5 year old that he needed to settle down or he would to bed without dinner, which is exactly what he did (and I don't mean he settled down!) 

I have learned some very valuable lessons this weekend. First, there is no point in talking to a kid on sugar. In fact, it is better not to say a word....simply strap them into their car seat and drive for as long as it takes for the sugar-crash to hit, then simply move them into their bed and ta-da! Problem solved. Wish I would've known it earlier! And secondly, I am NOT gifted at sales. 

Stranger #1: Do you have any adult bikes for sale?
Me: No, but we have some bikes you can look at and maybe I will sell them.
Stranger: What do you want for them?
Me: Oh, i can't go under $100 per bike.
Stranger: That's too much. (Stranger goes back to look at bike. Comes back.) Will you take $50 for the man's bike?
Me: Um, yeah, that sounds good.
Stranger: Will you take $50 for the other one too and throw in the lock?
Me: Sure, why not. That sounds great.

Stranger #2: How much is this TV?
My friend:  10 dollars. (Stranger reaches into pocket to pull out money.)
Me: Oh, 5 is good. (Friend shoots me evil glance.) 

Stranger #3: How much is this book, that outfit, these two toys, (etc. etc.)
Me: Let's say $3? (Stranger pulls out money.) Oh, make it $2, that's fine.
My friend: Karen, you need to sit down and just watch.

Seriously, had I not shut-up, I may have started paying people to take the stuff they wanted!

Anyway, I must go get some much needed sleep. It has been a crazy weekend and I used up the last of my energy jumping up and down during the Steelers game today (which kept the kids highly entertained and by the end, even little Liam was crazily clapping and bouncing in excitement!) 

Till next time, stay clean! (If the stench doesn't get you, the sugar high will! Neither are worth it!)


  1. We are on the same wave length! I was combing Tylers hair this morning. He looks at me and says, " Mom you need to take a shower." "Is my breath", "mmm, no".
    You need to add this to your list as well... Your kids are cleaner than you are might be a sign...

  2. Thanks for that Kim! So true....when your kids are cleaner than you are, it's time for that shower ladies!

  3. You and my mom should have a garage sale together. People would love you. When they moved back to FL she gave every kid a bag to just take any books they wanted and then when a couple came to buy a bed, she gave them the table, bookshelf, and dresser that had also been in that room (before they even asked), AND made John haul it all to their house for them.


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