6.18.2014

You Might be a Redneck If…..

Today I have to add my own list to Jeff Foxworthy's redneck humor because apparently living in the country does that to a person……so, here is my personal list of "You might be a redneck if…."

You might be a redneck if…..
-You run out of chicken wire while coon-proofing your rabbit hutch so you grab your roll of camouflage duct tape to finish the job.

(When I texted my verifiably normal friend the sentence from above, she replied, "Um, or if you use the word coon in a sentence" and I had to scratch my head because, really? It's not the fact that I have camo-duct tape?)

You might be a redneck if…..
-Your cat gets mauled by a raccoon a few days before your Silkie gets slaughtered by one.
or
-You not only know what a Silkie is, but you have some as pets!

You might be a redneck if…..
-Your 9 year old begs to get rabies shots

(Apparently some kids just don't understand that raccoon maulings happen…..you just have to learn to live with 'em…..one of life's many great lessons….)

You might be a redneck if…..
-You try to explain to your kids that it isn't normal that your friend has a "death tree" (where she hangs various dead animals in it to rot cleanly so that she can get the skeletons) but that it's okay because you learn different kinds of lessons at her house than you would elsewhere…..like don't die there because you might get hung in a tree!

You might be a redneck if….
-Your son brings up the fact that your friend launches her own mortars from her backyard and you explain that it isn't very safe because one time she accidentally shot one into her neighbors house and set it afire and your son is like, 'oh, that's nothing compared to the time she accidentally blew up an ATV during a bonfire' and you correct him because it wasn't an ATV she blew up but her boyfriend's monster truck…..

You might be a redneck if….
-You feel safe dropping your kids off at aforementioned friend's house so that she can watch them.

Have a great day, y'all!


1 comment:

Common Household Mom said...

That's quite a neighbor. My son would LOVE to live next to somebody who launches mortars in the back yard. But the dead animals hanging in the tree? Hmm.....