Conversations from Mars

Lily: Mom, when you were little, did people have cars?
Me: What?
Lily: Were there cars when you were little or did people use wagons and horses and stuff?
Me: Seriously?

So I just chalked that one up to her being 7 but then not two days later this conversation took place between me and my almost eleven year old:

Me: Hey Aidan, I really like those jeans. They look really good on you.
Aidan: Thanks. This is the first time I have worn them because my favorite ones are dirty.
Me: Well, I think those look better than the other ones, more like a teenager.
Aidan (flushing): Mo-om, that's just because you are from the nineteen…..fifties?
Me: Uh, I assure you I am not from the 1950s! Try again.
Aidan: Oh, I mean the…. 60s?
Me: Seriously? Try some math!
Aidan: Oh, no, you grew up in the 70s, er 80s, yeah the 80s.

I think it might be time to start wearing make-up……or get my kids math and history tutors….


Three year old Solomon walked up to me while I was doing dishes and pulled on my arm with a serious expression on his face. I got down on one knee to see what he had to say.

Solomon: Mom, can I buy one?
Me: Buy what Solly?
Solomon: Buy a little bass guitar so I can play?
Me: Um, I don't think they make bass guitars that small, Solly.
Solomon: Yes, they do. I can put it right here on my tummy and play it (he says patting his belly with both hands).


Aidan was being a know-it-all one morning as we waited for the girls' school to open so they could go in. After a long lecture on Latin vocabulary, Madeline, in all seriousness, says: "Wow, Aidan….You've sure got some brains!"

That's one way of putting it.


Liam: What date is it tomorrow?
Kurt: January 30th.
Liam: What is the next day?
Kurt: January 31st. And what day is that?
Liam, impatiently: My birthday. But what day is after that?
Kurt: February 1st.
Liam (getting more excited): And then what day is it?
Kurt: February 2nd.
Liam: And do you know what day that is? It's the SUPER BOWL! Yay! Yay! Yaaaaaaaay!

(You know a kid is obsessed over sports when the "big game" is far more exciting than his birthday!)


More often than not, as we are driving in Mars, we see deer, lots and lots of deer; so many deer that I am beginning to think there are more deer than people around here. At any rate, whenever I see them I point and say, "DEER!" and all the kids excitedly look, as if it were the first time they ever saw one. (Or something like that.)

The other day as we were driving, I pointed at a big herd of deer:

Me: Hey, look at that kids!
Liam (shouting): Wow! Camels!
Me: Close enough.

Fast forward to the next day….we were driving to school and were about to pass a runner on the side of the road when Madeline shouts, "Human!"



  1. Your children are highly amusing! My kids also guess my age wrong - they put me in the wrong century, usually.

    Welcome to Western PA!

  2. Ooh, are you nearby? I am liking western PA very much, other than all the trouble. Thankfully, they are minor in the grand scheme of things…..

  3. I am a bit south of Mars, which makes it possible to say things like, "I'm driving to Mars today."


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