Sexy Silkies: A Pre-Halloween Tale

I told the kids that if anyone wanted a new Halloween costume this year, they had to be a chicken. I had visions of sending five mummified or zombie chickens over to our neighbor's house the week before Halloween, you know, to deliver a dozen fresh eggs and to offer our truce. Then Kurt, who actually cares about our kids' social lives, stepped in and told the kids they didn't have to be chickens and just like that my plans to do good were thwarted….again.

But yesterday, when I went to the Party Store to look for the costumes the kids wanted, I found all sorts of things with which to create the ultimate Chicken costume. I found a ridiculous (re: totally awesome) Chicken Face mask, stuck it in my cart and then realized I could also create a Black Silkie Chicken with very little problem (and far too much money.) So then the two hour issue of the day became do you go with a standard yellow chicken with the super, incredible mask or try for something more sultry…..The Sexy Silkie look perhaps?

It was when I got home, in the privacy of my own bedroom, that I realized a very profound fact: there is nothing sexy about chickens……nothing! I mean, add enough feathers and a tail and a beak and apparently I would have to settle with the "Confused Chick…en" guise or just go with the chicken head alone.

And then, as if on cue, Kurt came home from the hockey game he had been to and although he did do a double take, he opted to walk right on by me all decked out in feathers and who knows what. I am pretty certain he was trying to erase the image from his memory when I walked into the kitchen to ask for his opinion.

Kurt: I'm glad to see you are focused on truly important things…..(insert lots of words, words, words…..) Why don't you just be a cowgirl who herds chickens…..You have the boots and jeans, just get a hat and lasso* and put a leash on one of the chickens and take it with you to the party. (Ok, so I might have added the part about getting a hat and lasso but seriously, I have to be in character, Kurt! And really, who ever heard of a chicken on a leash??? WAY TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! You so totally rock, Sweets!)

Me: Ooooooooh! That's a GREAT idea!

Kurt: And is it my imagination or did I see you out there trying to wrangle the chickens with rope the other day?

Me: Um, yeah, I did that. In my defense, that darn hen would NOT cooperate so I though maybe I could just lasso her with the twine laying there but once I actually got it around her neck she panicked and I was afraid she was going to snap her own neck so I had to let go and……(I am pretty sure I was talking to myself at this point because Kurt's face had glazed over as he entered his happy place, which apparently doesn't include a wife who wrangles chickens with twine nor one that dresses up as a Silkie, sultry or otherwise.)

Kurt: Gotcha. (He really doesn't I don't think but I'll give it a pass for the fantastic costume idea.)

Me: Ok, so take back the Sultry Silkie stuff which makes far too big of a mess and is giving me allergies anyway and go with a Chicken Herder outfit.

Kurt: Um, what's a chicken herder?

Me: Seriously……IT WAS YOUR IDEA!


But now that I think about it, this is a costume party we are going to and I am basically dressing up as…… myself.