The Art of Gift Giving (or Lack Thereof) (Part 3)

As you may have noticed, gift giving is not my strong suit. And I knew that this year would be no different when I realized that half of the presents coming from Santa this year were hand-me-downs from a fantastic friend who has saved Christmas at least twice now. (Thanks Deb!)

And then, I realized just how bad I had become when I was thinking about Solomon, not quite two, and what he might want for Christmas. I had originally thought I would get him a toy vacuum because he is totally obsessed with ours. And then I saw a cool, cordless Electrolux at Costco for only $70 and I thought, "Wait a second, why not cash in on his obsessiveness and get him to do a little cleaning while he plays?" But I ended up passing because that seems like an awful lot to spend on a kid who may very well be scared to death of vacuums next month.

Then, when we were at Target yesterday, Kurt and I, awesome parents that we are, managed to lose Solomon. Where did we find him, you ask? In the vacuum section of course. And that is when I saw this super cheap Dirt Devil Stick Vac on sale for only $20 and get this, it comes with a super long cord, which is his favorite part of course! SCORE! (Target saves me again! Thanks, BFF!)

And that is when it hit me, I just bought a real vacuum, with a super long cord, for my 23 month old child, I TOTALLY need to write my own parenting book because you never see THAT idea in any of them. And what a brilliant one it is, you know, if you don't get too caught up on safety and other such nonsense. I mean seriously, they make play ovens for kids, how much worse can a stick vac really be? (Maybe for a stocking stuffer we'll get him some rubber boots, you know, to appease the grandparents.)

And so dear readers, the moral of this thread is, don't trust me with your gift ideas. Unless you have a two year old; then I've totally got you covered!

The Art of Gift Giving (or Lack Thereof) (Part 2)

Gift giving to children is an entirely different cup of tea. You see, with kids, there is very little anxiety because when you give a gift to a child, you can usually tell exactly how they feel about it. They are super excited to open it and for the most part happy to get a gift, whatever it may be. And even if they really like it, they are likely to fling it aside and go off to play in the snow anyway so no pressure to find the "perfect gift."

And the best part, if they get all snooty and complain that it "isn't what they wanted" you get to give them a lecture about how they should be grateful because there are kids in Africa who don't even have food to eat, much less a crayon to play with. And when they still act so entitled, you can tell them about your grandparents and how they had to walk up that ice covered hill just to get to their stockings and then you could ask:

"You know what their stockings were stuffed with? Grapefruit and Oranges, that's what. 

And do you think they complained? No, they didn't.

Do you know why? No, not because they loved citrus. They didn't complain because they were super hungry and they knew if they complained about the citrus acid being too much for their empty tummies and how they were really hoping for toys instead that the fairy in charge of ungrateful children would come into their rooms that night and steal all their belongings so that they'd have to go to school the next day in only their underwear and coat and when the teacher asked why they wouldn't take their coat off they would have to admit to their selfish ways and everyone would shake their heads and not want to play with them ever again. Because they knew that they only had one pair of underwear and it was probably dirty!

So, how do you like the broken red crayon I gave you now? Yeah, it does totally rock. You're welcome." 

And then next year, you can give them the blue one to create a matched set. And if they complain then, I highly recommend you take back the crayons and tell them you will get them something else. Then take five minutes to hand-make a card, complete with your handprint on it, draw on some eyes and a nose because obviously they think THAT is the best gift ever, five years straight....

Gift-giving to children is a piece of cake. As long as you are willing to go that extra mile. 

The Art of Gift Giving (or Lack Thereof) (Part 1)

Around this time every year I start to recognize that some people are simply natural gift givers. You know the ones; they always seem to get it right. They don't even have to know you very well but they pick up on your intricacies and even the smallest gift is about as perfect as you could have imagined. It's as if they put in hours and hours of contemplation (which they don't because they are naturals!) on what that one perfect thing would be and then they make it happen with ease and grace. And it never breaks their bank because they always know where the best deals are. And sometimes they already have the perfect item on hand. Because they are psychic. Which is why I think we should go on a witch hunt and get rid of them all. Or at least ban them from the holidays because honestly people, YOU MAKE THE REST OF US LOOK BAD!

No, I am only kidding. But unfortunately, I happen to dance around in another category of gift givers. And not the in-between, so-so gift giver category. No, try as I might, I am a terrible gift giver. A creature of habit, there are some people who have received the same thing from me every year for almost a decade (like the calendars I make for the grandfolk...is that even a word? While it is tedious and time consuming, I don't have to think about it. I just know what I am going to do and eventually I find an hour in the middle of the night, around December 27th, to get it done....every few years I even manage to surprise them and get it to them before the New Year begins! And so I feel accomplished.....See? I am a terrible gift giver!)

At any rate, I finally figured out why this is. You see, while the old saying goes, "It's the thought that counts," for some of us, it is the very act of thinking about gifts  (or anything really) that is the core of the problem. We don't have a lot of time for thinking beyond the moment, the day to day stuff that is so darn demanding of us. And when we do finally find that moment (likely in the middle of the night, perhaps cleaning kid puke off a bathroom floor before accidentally sticking our heads through a wall) it is quite likely ridden with anxiety.

What does that person like/need/want? What can I get them that they don't already have? What can I afford? After all, I could quickly find myself in the Best Gift Giver EVER category if I had unlimited resources or even only one person to buy for! And finally, there is the fear that they will have to fein excitement or appreciation over the worst present ever! I am just crossing my fingers that my poor gift giving skills never come face to face with someone with terrible receiving skills. Then, feeling really bad, I will offer to buy them a pony or a Ferrari, whichever they want more. It kind of eases things over, ya know? (At least until I ask if I can borrow their credit card!)

So that is why Target and I have become best friends because who can't use a Target Gift Card? It's like the best do-it-yourself gift ever, or at least tied with Coffee Shop, iTunes, Amazon and Wine Store Gift Cards.  And if that person lives out in the boonies, hours away from the closet gas station much less a Target, well all they have to do is hop online and BAM! Still the best gift ever. And if they don't have access to the internet well, then they can give it back and take the pony. (That jerk.....I can call them that because without internet, they will never read this.....)

See what I mean?

Chicken Gifts

In case you need a gift idea for your pet chicken, might you consider this Hobbit Hole Chicken Coop? It's a little pricey (like $2800 pricey) but never fear, it ships for free! (Phew, I was so worried I would have to pay extra for shipping! See Kurt? I'm a crazy good shopper!)

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of seeing all my random chicken paraphernalia, I just posted a page About My Chickens. Check it out if you have a free minute or feel like wasting one or if you are desperate for gift ideas for that chicken lover in your house!

Mad Housewife

No, silly readers, this post's title is not talking about me. Baggage is not coming out of the closet; dirty laundry will remain out of sight and nothing is coming home to roost (although, Kurt did just get back from a trip so perhaps I am mistaken about the roosting part). Trust me, if I were spilling my less than savory details of homemaking, it would most likely be in person over a nice glass bottle of wine. And I know the perfect one.

Enter Mad Housewife

For those of you who like a good, cheap bottle of wine, this Cabernet Sauvignon could very well fit your bill. (If you are scratching your head wondering how 'cheap' and 'good' can describe the same bottle, and were looking for a review that gives you more than name, color, price and a thumb up or down, feel free to go away by clicking here because this is most likely not the right blog for you!)

At any rate, a friend was coming over to tell me about how her boyfriend of three years dumped her and so I bought a bunch of wines for her to choose from. She chose this one because of the name, which is, of course, why I bought it in the first place. (Clever wine maker!) At around $8 a bottle, it was what I'll call a just right red. Nothing fancy. Nothing too notable. And we easily finished the entire thing over dinner, dessert and discussion (with a handful of kid interruptions in between).

For more info on this and other Mad Housewife Wines, click here. 

Got a good, cheap wine to share with us? Feel free to add a comment below! Otherwise, just have a great week!

Happy Hanukkah

This morning I glanced at my calendar to see Hanukkah Begins. I immediately started dancing the hora in my head and skipped over to dig out our dreidel. The kids picked up on my giddiness and excitedly inquired about what was going on.

"It's Hanukkah," I explained. "Time to celebrate!"

"But Mom," they said, looking confused. "We aren't Jewish." (Shoot, maybe I need to pay more attention at church! Seriously though, I had to smile because, yay, my kids knew it was a Jewish holiday!)

"Well, that is true. But it doesn't mean we can't join in the festivities. After all, it wasn't our birthday last week when we celebrated with your cousin and we celebrate Christmas which isn't our birthday either. If we are all children of God, then why not rejoice with our brothers and sisters and share in their celebrations of God and his triumphs?" (Plus, Solomon gets to wear his yarmulkas and who doesn't love that? Except for possibly Solomon....)

I bounced around singing the song I learned in elementary school 30 years ago, when schools didn't get sued for including the word God in stuff:

'Tis the week of Hanukkah good tidings we're bringing,
This holiday we celebrate with dancing and singing,
Gather round together the hora we'll do,
Then we'll sing the song that our forefathers knew.
Hush now, and come now, the candles we'll light one by one,
Then we'll tell stories of God and his glory and how precious freedom was won.

(Or something like that.) The kids watched with something like glee on their faces.

My thoughts drifted upward as we went about preparing for church. How would our world look if we all regularly rejoiced with one another? If we were to recognize our sameness and unity in creation rather than focusing so much on our differences and uniqueness?

When we lived in CA, I excitedly participated in Diwali, the Festival of Lights, with my Indian friends. I learned about Eid from my Pakistani students; I marched in the head of the dragon for a Chinese New Year parade in my classroom. We lifted up and exalted God through the very act of celebrating with one another, of celebrating each other.

As we continue in this time of Advent, preparing for Christmas to come into our hearts once more, why not rejoice in the whole big shebang? Joy is worth sharing with all God's children, whatever our beliefs may be. And really, who doesn't like a good reason to party? (My Red Solo Cups are always at the ready....how 'bout you?)

P.S. Please don't mention to my kids that the Hanukah tradition also include eight nights of gift giving....eight nights, five kids....it might just break the bank!

P.P.S. Here's a fun Hanukkah song to lighten your day. Or if you prefer the original SNL version, click here.

The Article (Part Two)

Shortly after being interviewed for the article in Southwest Metro Magazine, I was contacted about doing a photo shoot. They wanted to take pictures of me cooking with my kids. Just about nothing could be farther from my comfort zone than being photographed for a magazine, except maybe being photographed for a magazine with five kids while we pretend to be doing something we aren't actually doing while getting everyone to not only behave but smile like they mean it. (It's amazing how kids can be so completely excited about their mom's worst nightmare.)

Imagine how that photo shoot went. It was EXACTLY. LIKE. THAT! For a full hour. Good, good times.

Actually, after the initial phone call with the photographer, low grade panic set in as I questioned: How can this be an authentic picture when they want me to cook with my kids for an article on stress management? Seriously! Managing stress means NEVER COOKING WITH CHILDREN! At least in my house and with my kids. How can you be authentic when the very nature of the picture is not realistic? And to complicate matters, what does a person who only wears jeans and/or workout clothes wear for a magazine picture? I started having images of me in yoga clothes doing funky yoga poses while the kids tried knocking me over. Now THAT would have been authentic!

And I had very little help from Kurt. The conversations went something like this:

"Kurt, what am I supposed to do for clothes and hair?"

"Whatever you want. Just don't do that alien hair," he said.

I was about to argue that if I am to be me then the pig-tail knots in the back of my head is the most fitting for my personality and not really alien-like at all and then I recalled dropping off my kids in the gym childcare on Halloween. A little boy looked up at me and then, pointing my way, said to another kid, "Hey look! An alien!" Ok, maybe Kurt has a point.

Usually I don't wear the antennae...

"So, what do I do? I don't ever wear it down." (I'm still wondering why I need it at all actually.)

"Just pull it back," he suggested. "No alien knots though."

Again I wanted to argue the cute-ness of the alien hair when I remembered a conversation I had with a friend. She had tried to get her second grader to put her hair up like mine. "Look how cute it is on Karen," she said. Her daughter replied, "I am NOT wearing my hair like THAT!"

"Ok," I said in defeat.

After deciding that we would make pizza, the only meal other than pancakes that my kids actually help with, and deciding that for the sake of being me I had to go with jeans and a t-shirt, any t-shirt would do, and that the kids would wear whatever their little hearts desired, we were ready to go.

And it was fantastic despite Solly running around looking for stuff to eat and Liam announcing half way through that he was done and walking out of the kitchen only to come back when bribed with extra screen time. The very young photographer told me several times how good the kids were and how she wished all her subjects were so well behaved. I assured her I had threatened the happiness of their entire childhood if they behaved otherwise. She laughed. (I was not kidding.)

And for those of you who have made it this far and would like to see the final outcome, click here keeping in mind that the online version is only a snippet of the entire print article. Gimme a shout if you would like to see it in print. I have plenty to go around.

The Alien Hair
(Seriously, how is this not totally cute?)