In case you are wondering, it is not a good idea to take your kids to the Target Clinic for flu shots at 6:30 p.m. on a Monday night.....In 6 degree weather.
It's especially rocky when you arrive at Target, see the number one parking spot open but find you can only squeeze your SUV into it by jumping up on the curb because of another car terribly parked in the adjacent spot. Then, upon going to get the children out of the car, you have this conversation:
"Ok, come on, Lilly."
"Um, Mom, I forgot my jacket," she says, not budging.
"Really Lilly?" I say, feeling the impatience rising like lava. "Just come on, the rest of us are getting cold."
"Well, Mooom, I brought my blanket. Can't I just wrap it around me?"
"No, Lilly. We are not bringing your blanket into the store. Just get out and we'll run really fast inside. This is the closest parking space so it won't be too bad," I answer.
"But Moooom, I don't have shoes and socks either!"
At which point the lava began to seethe through the cracks that were my nerves. After lecturing "What about 'shoes, socks, jackets, going to Target' didn't you understand?" I have to question my sanity when I scoop her up with my Solly-free arm, bundle her in the blanket, stick her in a cart and take her in anyway. And then, finding we are the 9th-12th people in line, I decide to stick it out and wander the store for twenty minutes putting us well past Solly's bedtime (always makes for much more entertaining flu shots.)
Upon arriving back at the clinic, I am called over to the desk and told they only have shots, no flu-mist left. While that is not a problem for the majority of our crew, I eye Lilly, recalling the last time we did this. (Think: three nurses holding down one flailing, screeching child.)
"No problem," I say, stubbornly refusing to just call it a night.
We follow her back into the room. I go first. Next, Liam bravely watches the shot go in his arm. He doesn't flinch, although for a very brief second the smile straightens on his face. I then grab Solly and the nurse quickly administers the shot. His one tiny tear is interrupted by Lilly who is now crouching in a corner, a chair pulled over her head, yelling, "No, no, no, no, I am not getting a shot, nooooooooooo!!!" She begins a regimen of kicking and clawing and anything else she can think of to keep us away.
The nurse looks at me and says, "I'll just go get the other nurse now," and leaves the room. By the time they come back I have Lilly pinned down on the table. She is red faced and from the outside, I imagine it sounds like we are amputating her bare feet sans anesthesia.
After trying to get Lilly to relax, the nurse shrugs, finds Lilly's fully flexed shoulder and jabs in the needle as well as one could expect. Lilly gets very quiet.
"Well, that wasn't so bad," she says, hopping off the table. "Can I pick out a treat now?"
Next year, I think we may just take our chances.
1.20.2013
1.15.2013
And Then She Said....
The kids and I were talking about Godparents recently when Lilly asked:
"Mom, if you and dad both died, who would we live with?"
I could tell she was worried about being split up from her siblings, everyone going to the different Godparents and what not, so I explained to her that all of them would go to one family together.
"So, we wouldn't be able to go to Eagle Ridge anymore for school?" she asked.
"No, you wouldn't live here anymore so you wouldn't be at the same school," I told her.
She was silent for a moment and then said, "Well, I sure hope you don't die this year then because I have a REALLY GOOD teacher!"
Gee Lilly, thanks. If your wishes are taken into consideration, I sure hope you have REALLY GOOD teachers for the next, say, 65 years or so!
"Mom, if you and dad both died, who would we live with?"
I could tell she was worried about being split up from her siblings, everyone going to the different Godparents and what not, so I explained to her that all of them would go to one family together.
"So, we wouldn't be able to go to Eagle Ridge anymore for school?" she asked.
"No, you wouldn't live here anymore so you wouldn't be at the same school," I told her.
She was silent for a moment and then said, "Well, I sure hope you don't die this year then because I have a REALLY GOOD teacher!"
Gee Lilly, thanks. If your wishes are taken into consideration, I sure hope you have REALLY GOOD teachers for the next, say, 65 years or so!
1.09.2013
New Year's Revolution (Or, Conversations With a 6 Year Old)
"Mom," Lilly says on January 1st. "Are we going to make our New Years Revolutions?" Images of kids overtaking our house and overturning our parental rule bounce around the walls in my brain.
"You mean resolutions, Lilly," I correct her.
"Sure, whatever," she says. (Apparently she isn't the kind to go all revolutionary on us after all.)
****
"Mom, today in art I made lollipops for people.......And pickaxes," Lilly told me after picking her up from the gym one day.
Oh yes, the sweet combination of lollipops and pickaxes. And that's what little girls are made of (contrary to what the old nursery rhyme may have told you).
****
"Mom?" Lilly asked quite seriously on the way back from soccer. "If your eye ball was out of your head and just hanging there, and you closed your other eye, could you still see out of the dangling one?"
Hee hee hee.....seriously folks. How can you keep a straight face with questions like these?
"Um, well, I don't know Lilly," I said, as seriously as I could manage. "If all the nerves are still connected and there isn't too much swelling or bleeding or....um, I don't know if you could or not."
"Well, it's probably not a good idea to try it out to see, right?" she asked. Ha, no pun intended.
"Right, Lilly," I agreed. "That's definitely not one you want to see for yourself."
****
And later, I was reading the latest installment of Experience Life Magazine, the magazine associated with our gym (which just this month featured one of my dearest friends, Deb, whom I have referred to quite a bit.....check it out here!) and in the back of the magazine the CEO of Lifetime wrote about New Year's Revolutions.....really. (It's creepy actually how often I have a conversation or write something in the blog and then the very next month, Experience Life runs a story or article on that very thing.....like my To-Don't list, or when I recently took up fasting weeks BEFORE the magazine covered the idea as a fitness tool.) So, dear readers, my daughter might excitedly make pickaxes and talk about dangling eye balls, but she apparently is totally in vogue. Just like her mother......hee hee. (Only kidding.)
"You mean resolutions, Lilly," I correct her.
"Sure, whatever," she says. (Apparently she isn't the kind to go all revolutionary on us after all.)
****
"Mom, today in art I made lollipops for people.......And pickaxes," Lilly told me after picking her up from the gym one day.
Oh yes, the sweet combination of lollipops and pickaxes. And that's what little girls are made of (contrary to what the old nursery rhyme may have told you).
****
"Mom?" Lilly asked quite seriously on the way back from soccer. "If your eye ball was out of your head and just hanging there, and you closed your other eye, could you still see out of the dangling one?"
Hee hee hee.....seriously folks. How can you keep a straight face with questions like these?
"Um, well, I don't know Lilly," I said, as seriously as I could manage. "If all the nerves are still connected and there isn't too much swelling or bleeding or....um, I don't know if you could or not."
"Well, it's probably not a good idea to try it out to see, right?" she asked. Ha, no pun intended.
"Right, Lilly," I agreed. "That's definitely not one you want to see for yourself."
****
And later, I was reading the latest installment of Experience Life Magazine, the magazine associated with our gym (which just this month featured one of my dearest friends, Deb, whom I have referred to quite a bit.....check it out here!) and in the back of the magazine the CEO of Lifetime wrote about New Year's Revolutions.....really. (It's creepy actually how often I have a conversation or write something in the blog and then the very next month, Experience Life runs a story or article on that very thing.....like my To-Don't list, or when I recently took up fasting weeks BEFORE the magazine covered the idea as a fitness tool.) So, dear readers, my daughter might excitedly make pickaxes and talk about dangling eye balls, but she apparently is totally in vogue. Just like her mother......hee hee. (Only kidding.)
12.30.2012
The Graceful Chicken's Reading List, 2013
So, I only read a couple of other bloggers online. I am choosy, to be sure, as time does not seem to be cutting me any slack. At any rate, at the beginning of each year most of those bloggers clearly state what books they intend on reading throughout the year. Some even go as far as telling you which months they will be reading what books and invite you to read them and discuss them at the end of the month. It's an extremely hyper-organized world out there. I apparently fall terribly short.
But, I do read a lot. And while I have never said much about books here, I thought this year I would at least give you a glimpse of what is on my reading list for the year. I can do that this year because 1) I bought myself a bunch of books for Christmas (You're welcome, Self!) and 2) Kurt made me clean out our entire wall of books in the homework room on Christmas day (yay for the three hours of panic as I stacked and sorted, whined and re-shelved some of the hundreds of books we have been holding onto all these years....really, who needs an outdated Biology book or a second copy of Candide? Come on, Karen!) Needless to say, I have a lot of books that I intend on getting to this year. If you happen to see one you might like, let me know and we can chat about it in about 16 years or so.
The Graceful Chicken's Reading List, 2013
(In no particular order because that would require a level of organization that I simply don't posses!)
*Listening for the Heartbeat of God, A Celtic Spirituality - J. Philip Newell
(Already started this one and am really loving it! It is a refreshing look at an alternative understanding of Christian spirituality, one that was long ago voted out but merits being re-embraced.)
*Buddy (How a Rooster Made Me a Family Man) - Brian McGrory
(The title called to me for some peculiar reason....)
*The Dark Night of the Soul - St. John of the Cross
*An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith - Barbara Brown Taylor
*The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times - Pema Chodron
*Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith - Anne Lamott
*The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
(Only because someone told me once that I needed more easy reading. Thanks for the reminder, Dawn!)
*The Clash of Kings - George R. R. Martin
*Simplicity: Finding Peace by Uncluttering Your Life - Kim Thomas
*Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life - Emily P. Freeman
(I know this is a January book as I will be working through it with my mom's group.)
*Here and Now: Living in the Soul - Henri J. M. Nouwen
*it sucked and then i cried: how i had a baby, a breakdown, and a much needed margarita - heather b. armstrong (creator of dooce.com, one of the few blogs I read because she is usually super funny.)
*Hansons Marathon Method: A Renegade Path to Your Fastest Marathon - Luke Humphrey
(Although I am still uncertain about training for Boston, I am gathering some better info to prep for the next race I run, whatever it may be.)
*Chi Running - Danny Dreyer
(I am hoping I can decrease the chances of further injury by changing my form a bit.....this is much more difficult than I had once thought.)
Well dear readers, that should get me through January. I will update you next month. Only kidding! While there will surely be more, and some I am reading through with Kurt, I think this is a good start for now as I still have kids to raise, a house to manage, workouts and physical therapy to do, training to begin, students to teach, music to practice, etc., etc.....
Happy Reading!
But, I do read a lot. And while I have never said much about books here, I thought this year I would at least give you a glimpse of what is on my reading list for the year. I can do that this year because 1) I bought myself a bunch of books for Christmas (You're welcome, Self!) and 2) Kurt made me clean out our entire wall of books in the homework room on Christmas day (yay for the three hours of panic as I stacked and sorted, whined and re-shelved some of the hundreds of books we have been holding onto all these years....really, who needs an outdated Biology book or a second copy of Candide? Come on, Karen!) Needless to say, I have a lot of books that I intend on getting to this year. If you happen to see one you might like, let me know and we can chat about it in about 16 years or so.
The Graceful Chicken's Reading List, 2013
(In no particular order because that would require a level of organization that I simply don't posses!)
*Listening for the Heartbeat of God, A Celtic Spirituality - J. Philip Newell
(Already started this one and am really loving it! It is a refreshing look at an alternative understanding of Christian spirituality, one that was long ago voted out but merits being re-embraced.)
*Buddy (How a Rooster Made Me a Family Man) - Brian McGrory
(The title called to me for some peculiar reason....)
*The Dark Night of the Soul - St. John of the Cross
*An Altar in the World: A Geography of Faith - Barbara Brown Taylor
*The Places That Scare You: A Guide to Fearlessness in Difficult Times - Pema Chodron
*Traveling Mercies: Some Thoughts on Faith - Anne Lamott
*The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
(Only because someone told me once that I needed more easy reading. Thanks for the reminder, Dawn!)
*The Clash of Kings - George R. R. Martin
*Simplicity: Finding Peace by Uncluttering Your Life - Kim Thomas
*Grace for the Good Girl: Letting Go of the Try-Hard Life - Emily P. Freeman
(I know this is a January book as I will be working through it with my mom's group.)
*Here and Now: Living in the Soul - Henri J. M. Nouwen
*it sucked and then i cried: how i had a baby, a breakdown, and a much needed margarita - heather b. armstrong (creator of dooce.com, one of the few blogs I read because she is usually super funny.)
*Hansons Marathon Method: A Renegade Path to Your Fastest Marathon - Luke Humphrey
(Although I am still uncertain about training for Boston, I am gathering some better info to prep for the next race I run, whatever it may be.)
*Chi Running - Danny Dreyer
(I am hoping I can decrease the chances of further injury by changing my form a bit.....this is much more difficult than I had once thought.)
Well dear readers, that should get me through January. I will update you next month. Only kidding! While there will surely be more, and some I am reading through with Kurt, I think this is a good start for now as I still have kids to raise, a house to manage, workouts and physical therapy to do, training to begin, students to teach, music to practice, etc., etc.....
Happy Reading!
12.29.2012
Christmas Superlatives 2012
Best Overall Gift: Solomon's vacuum! The kid has been vacuuming non-stop for four days.....I awake to hear the vacuum going every morning. Such a beautiful sound: someone else cleaning! And bonus: Cleanest floors we've ever had (well, until he figured out he should throw crumbled stuff on the floor to have something to vacuum up).
Best Forgotten Gift: The car battery charger I bought myself for $70 at Costco. I forgot about it and left it still boxed in the back of my truck. The day after Christmas, I needed to run into the grocery store to pick up meat for pizza sauce. Kurt stayed in the car with the kids. Ten minutes (and five bags full of food) later, I came running back out to a dead battery. Kurt didn't realize that even though I replace the car battery every two years (something about kids leaving doors open, lights on, tough winters, etc.) you can't listen to the radio in my truck without the engine running. Anyway, as I was grumbling under my breath, I remembered my "gift" in the back. As luck would have it, it was fully charged! Two minutes later, we were on the road again. BEST. PRESENT. EVER. (Almost.)
Most Sung Songs: Have a Solly Jolly Christmas and Deck the Halls (with Boughs of Solly)
Best (and by best I mean worst) Gift Idea: The Family Band: Bass guitar for Aidan, keyboard for Madeline, electric guitar for Lilly, a Toca drum for Liam, a tambourine for Solly and a couple cheap mics to round it all out. "And then, oh the noise! Oh the noise, noise, noise, noise!" (I think the Grinch was on to something!) As if they needed anything to make them LOUDER! I may invest in Tylenol stock. And maybe Advil. And Bayer. And perhaps get some noise canceling earplugs.....or a new house to live in until the kids move out of this one.....good job, self.
Most Predictable Edible Gifts: The huge pack of Mac-N-Cheese Lilly has been requesting every year for three years now and the big box of Sees chocolates Kurt gives me every year (that last me through March, at which point I hang my head low and go into withdrawal from my one-a-day habit and wonder why I shouldn't just replace them midway through the year).
Most Appreciated Healthy Gift: My brother and his wife sent a big box of Florida oranges. Now, we had just bought a huge box of CA navels from a kid down the street as part of a fundraiser. They were disappointingly TERRIBLE! Enter the box of Florida Oranges that included Navel, Red Naval, Tangelos, and Tangerines. The taste testing was a fantastic hit and we have decided to follow the wise advice of: "Get your citrus from FL and leave the wine for CA." So true!
Most Well-Used Practical Gift: A few months back Kurt's folks gave us an early Christmas gift: a gigantic upright freezer. Who knew that something like that could make such a huge difference to a family of 7 (Yay for frozen desserts ALL THE TIME! Just kidding...) Now, I just have to figure out this "Freezer-Cooking" thing!
Coolest Gadget Gift: I found a company, RC Helicopter Select, that makes vehicles you can control with your iPod/iPad/iPhone. Madeline received the iSpy Tank. It has a built in camera so she can see everything the tank sees (up to 20 meters away) and can take videos and pictures. Great for spying on siblings in other rooms. (Because THAT is a necessity.) Liam received the little race car that he can control with his iPod. It can even go up the walls. Not very useful mind you, but quite novel and very cool, at least until it falls off the wall (or Solly rams it with his vacuum) and it dies.
Scariest Gift: Santa re-gifted a rather large boxing ring bounce house that we dutifully blew up mid-morning to show Solly what Santa had brought him. He immediately hid behind a couch and wouldn't come out until the thing was deflated. Some gifts are just like that I suppose. (Thanks for the terrifying gift Deb!)
Worst Christmas Moment: I was putting a load of the laundry into the dryer (no I don't know why I was doing laundry on Christmas, it just happened!) when out fell Aidan's iPod. Cleanest, non-working iPod you'll ever see. So shiny and dead. But wait....Lo and behold, after sitting in a bag of dry rice for 48 hours, the thing actually still works. Merry Christmas, Aidan! (So much for the long lecture of being more careful and responsible for ones possessions!)
Most Heartwarming Moment: As I was putting the kids down on Christmas night, Aidan called me back in and said, "Mom, we forgot to say a special prayer for Jesus today. Can you say one right now?" And so we did. And I once again learned from my child: even kids seek meaning for their lives beyond the surface of their material world.
May the rest of your year be merry and bright, making way for a New Year that bursts forth with wondrous love, quiet moments and all the meaning your heart could possibly desire.
Best Forgotten Gift: The car battery charger I bought myself for $70 at Costco. I forgot about it and left it still boxed in the back of my truck. The day after Christmas, I needed to run into the grocery store to pick up meat for pizza sauce. Kurt stayed in the car with the kids. Ten minutes (and five bags full of food) later, I came running back out to a dead battery. Kurt didn't realize that even though I replace the car battery every two years (something about kids leaving doors open, lights on, tough winters, etc.) you can't listen to the radio in my truck without the engine running. Anyway, as I was grumbling under my breath, I remembered my "gift" in the back. As luck would have it, it was fully charged! Two minutes later, we were on the road again. BEST. PRESENT. EVER. (Almost.)
Most Sung Songs: Have a Solly Jolly Christmas and Deck the Halls (with Boughs of Solly)
Best (and by best I mean worst) Gift Idea: The Family Band: Bass guitar for Aidan, keyboard for Madeline, electric guitar for Lilly, a Toca drum for Liam, a tambourine for Solly and a couple cheap mics to round it all out. "And then, oh the noise! Oh the noise, noise, noise, noise!" (I think the Grinch was on to something!) As if they needed anything to make them LOUDER! I may invest in Tylenol stock. And maybe Advil. And Bayer. And perhaps get some noise canceling earplugs.....or a new house to live in until the kids move out of this one.....good job, self.
Most Predictable Edible Gifts: The huge pack of Mac-N-Cheese Lilly has been requesting every year for three years now and the big box of Sees chocolates Kurt gives me every year (that last me through March, at which point I hang my head low and go into withdrawal from my one-a-day habit and wonder why I shouldn't just replace them midway through the year).
Most Appreciated Healthy Gift: My brother and his wife sent a big box of Florida oranges. Now, we had just bought a huge box of CA navels from a kid down the street as part of a fundraiser. They were disappointingly TERRIBLE! Enter the box of Florida Oranges that included Navel, Red Naval, Tangelos, and Tangerines. The taste testing was a fantastic hit and we have decided to follow the wise advice of: "Get your citrus from FL and leave the wine for CA." So true!
Most Well-Used Practical Gift: A few months back Kurt's folks gave us an early Christmas gift: a gigantic upright freezer. Who knew that something like that could make such a huge difference to a family of 7 (Yay for frozen desserts ALL THE TIME! Just kidding...) Now, I just have to figure out this "Freezer-Cooking" thing!
Coolest Gadget Gift: I found a company, RC Helicopter Select, that makes vehicles you can control with your iPod/iPad/iPhone. Madeline received the iSpy Tank. It has a built in camera so she can see everything the tank sees (up to 20 meters away) and can take videos and pictures. Great for spying on siblings in other rooms. (Because THAT is a necessity.) Liam received the little race car that he can control with his iPod. It can even go up the walls. Not very useful mind you, but quite novel and very cool, at least until it falls off the wall (or Solly rams it with his vacuum) and it dies.
Scariest Gift: Santa re-gifted a rather large boxing ring bounce house that we dutifully blew up mid-morning to show Solly what Santa had brought him. He immediately hid behind a couch and wouldn't come out until the thing was deflated. Some gifts are just like that I suppose. (Thanks for the terrifying gift Deb!)
Worst Christmas Moment: I was putting a load of the laundry into the dryer (no I don't know why I was doing laundry on Christmas, it just happened!) when out fell Aidan's iPod. Cleanest, non-working iPod you'll ever see. So shiny and dead. But wait....Lo and behold, after sitting in a bag of dry rice for 48 hours, the thing actually still works. Merry Christmas, Aidan! (So much for the long lecture of being more careful and responsible for ones possessions!)
Most Heartwarming Moment: As I was putting the kids down on Christmas night, Aidan called me back in and said, "Mom, we forgot to say a special prayer for Jesus today. Can you say one right now?" And so we did. And I once again learned from my child: even kids seek meaning for their lives beyond the surface of their material world.
May the rest of your year be merry and bright, making way for a New Year that bursts forth with wondrous love, quiet moments and all the meaning your heart could possibly desire.
12.23.2012
The Night Before The Night Before Christmas
"'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse....."
We all know how the poem goes. We all know the calm and peaceful scene that is set before us. Everything wrapped and ready. Everything in its place. Everyone fast asleep. No kids tossing and turning and whining and waking in the middle of the night. No trips to the bathroom. "Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse!" A great hush amidst the anticipation.
Obviously written by a man. Or at least by someone who purposefully skipped over the night before the night before Christmas. You see, I know my family is not alone in the mad scurry that happens this time of year. Usually it is nonstop for weeks around here. There is dashing and dancing, but not from any reindeer. And it all falls down to one night: the night before Christmas, when parents all over the country are up to the wee hours of the morning, working like crazy to make sure everything is wrapped and ready and in its place. And if Christmas Eve is calm and relaxed like in that beloved poem, then that mad dash had to happen previously, right?
Well, this year I took a different approach to Christmas. Why all that hustle and bustle? Usually by now, my cards have been sent, cookies have been baked and frosted, I've hosted a party or two, been to a few others, twisted time in order to be at three kids' winter parties at once (while still magically caring for the other two), hosted a recital, practiced violin for Christmas Eve, all while doing some sort of advent study, reading and writing and who knows what else.
This year was different. And thankfully so as I spent the last week managing a house with several different icky viruses going through it. Kurt had the flu, Madeline had a stomach bug, Liam had a combination of both, Lilly and Aidan are sporting lovely coughs and Solly is now chasing his nose all over as it constantly runs down his face. Good, good times.
Today, as I pondered what still needed to be done, I realized that I still need to somehow scrunch everything but the shopping into the next 24 hours. And yet I sit here in the great hush, awaiting the excitement of tomorrow, the day before Christmas. And I am calm. Because I have a constant reminder in my heart of the meaning behind it all. (Hint: the craziness is not it.) And I don't intend to do it all. And maybe because everyone else is asleep! (Woo hoo! It's ME time!) And because I managed to clean out our pantry today. And now I have a place to crawl into and hide for the next two, long, kids-out-of-school weeks. Unless of course I make it to the grocery store tomorrow and then I am stuck having to suck it up and do what good moms all over the country do at winter break: take a deep breath and remind myself that these are the best of times, they don't last forever, hold on tight and enjoy the ride. Oh, and lock the kids outside. They really need some fresh winter air.
Here's to a calm and peaceful Christmas. May your joy be full. May love abound.
Merry Christmas.
We all know how the poem goes. We all know the calm and peaceful scene that is set before us. Everything wrapped and ready. Everything in its place. Everyone fast asleep. No kids tossing and turning and whining and waking in the middle of the night. No trips to the bathroom. "Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse!" A great hush amidst the anticipation.
Obviously written by a man. Or at least by someone who purposefully skipped over the night before the night before Christmas. You see, I know my family is not alone in the mad scurry that happens this time of year. Usually it is nonstop for weeks around here. There is dashing and dancing, but not from any reindeer. And it all falls down to one night: the night before Christmas, when parents all over the country are up to the wee hours of the morning, working like crazy to make sure everything is wrapped and ready and in its place. And if Christmas Eve is calm and relaxed like in that beloved poem, then that mad dash had to happen previously, right?
Well, this year I took a different approach to Christmas. Why all that hustle and bustle? Usually by now, my cards have been sent, cookies have been baked and frosted, I've hosted a party or two, been to a few others, twisted time in order to be at three kids' winter parties at once (while still magically caring for the other two), hosted a recital, practiced violin for Christmas Eve, all while doing some sort of advent study, reading and writing and who knows what else.
This year was different. And thankfully so as I spent the last week managing a house with several different icky viruses going through it. Kurt had the flu, Madeline had a stomach bug, Liam had a combination of both, Lilly and Aidan are sporting lovely coughs and Solly is now chasing his nose all over as it constantly runs down his face. Good, good times.
Today, as I pondered what still needed to be done, I realized that I still need to somehow scrunch everything but the shopping into the next 24 hours. And yet I sit here in the great hush, awaiting the excitement of tomorrow, the day before Christmas. And I am calm. Because I have a constant reminder in my heart of the meaning behind it all. (Hint: the craziness is not it.) And I don't intend to do it all. And maybe because everyone else is asleep! (Woo hoo! It's ME time!) And because I managed to clean out our pantry today. And now I have a place to crawl into and hide for the next two, long, kids-out-of-school weeks. Unless of course I make it to the grocery store tomorrow and then I am stuck having to suck it up and do what good moms all over the country do at winter break: take a deep breath and remind myself that these are the best of times, they don't last forever, hold on tight and enjoy the ride. Oh, and lock the kids outside. They really need some fresh winter air.
Here's to a calm and peaceful Christmas. May your joy be full. May love abound.
Merry Christmas.
12.17.2012
Moment of Pause
This morning, all across America parents hugged their children a little longer, a little more tightly. We held back tears of sorrow and fear as we put children on busses, or drove them to school and watched them go. Our hearts wept for those who lost their sons and daughters, their wives and friends. And as we mourn the lives lost, we also mourn once more for the loss of our illusion that this world is safe, that our schools are safe havens, that our children are somehow protected from the evils that we know exist.
"Mom, why are you standing outside with us at the bus stop in your pajamas," my kids wanted to know as I hopped out of my usual seated position in the warm car to hold them close to me just a moment more.
How can I tell them of the heartache spread deep across our country today? How could I ever explain? What kind of answers can I give to their questions, the same questions I have wrestled with for night after sleepless night? Questions with no answers.
In the wake of the CT tragedy, we easily get lost in darker places. People have turned atheist for far less. Nothing anyone can say or do, write or preach can make it right. And even those of great faith take pause: Where was God? Where was God on Friday morning as those parents thought they were sending their children off to just another ordinary day? And why didn't this most powerful and all-loving Creator step up to the plate and prevent such a horrific scene from unfolding? We shout it in our hearts, the swell of anger at God, questioning why He failed to show up for work that day. And those who normally bear loud witness to the glory of God, go silent. Why? Why not express doubt in troubling times? Why not disclose our anger, our disappointment? Why not share with the world the inner turmoil that takes place even in the hearts of the faithful?
Our questions about God's inaction remain unanswered. We are a creation given free will, each containing within us the potential for both ultimate good and ultimate evil. Yet in the inner most depths of our hearts, we often wish for more: more miracles, more immediate actions that point to an ever present and vigilantly armed God, a God at the ready, a God who will not let a single act of evil prevail. In our despair, we may even think we want more smiting. But God, God is sometimes still. God is sometimes silent. Or maybe our angst and sorrow are too loud to let Him through. If we are most honest, we can admit that it is a grueling and unsettling act of faith to believe in a God who at times seems blatantly apathetic. As an impatient child of God, I want to know the answers right now, this very minute. Yet, as a parent I realize that sometimes there are no good answers, sometimes the child is simply not ready. I recognize God's silence. It's all too familiar.
But if there is anything we learn from those who have born witness before us, it is that God is present, even in the midst of such tragedies. That God was there, God is here now. God is always. God loves the victims, the survivors; those who mourn and grieve, and yes, that same God that loves you and me has a love big enough to surround even those who commit such heinous acts. While we struggle to understand and to forgive, God's love remains and with great love, He weeps. Because at the end of the day, we are all children of the same Creator and as a good parent does, God mourns the loss that took place in the heart of that lost soul long before these events occurred and He mourns for the lives of the victims, and their families and for all of us.
While we may be left wondering why we believe and how we can go on trusting in One who does not seem to care enough to act out loud, we come to see God: In the teachers who told their students that they loved them, in case that would be the last thing they heard. In the staff who shielded students from bullets. In those who rushed at a gun-weilding man in the off chance they could prevent what was to come. In the faces of children whose only fault was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In all those, in the coming weeks and months, who will bear the burden of loss with those who mourn. God will tend to the basic needs, to the survivors, the families and the community through the hands of those serving one another.
We may be unsettled, shaken, and tiptoeing around the shattered pieces of our own faith, yet we know that there is truth in the sermon being preached all over the country: evil will not prevail. If we are struggling to see how, we, of many faiths, must do as those have done for generations before us: find strength in the believers of old. When our faith teeters on the edge of unbelief, and we are tempted to jump ship, we must rely on the faith of our fore-fathers and mothers, of Moses and Abraham, Sarah and Hannah, Job, Elizabeth, Mary, Joseph.... And when we wonder why we bother praying when our prayers seem to go unanswered, we pause and recall Jesus who went to a lonely place and prayed and wept. And so we, too, pray. And in that prayer we find stillness where it did not exist just moments before. And in the stillness, God.
May we hold on to the morsels of our faith so that God can begin the rebuilding, just as He has done before and will do again, in us and in our world. Let there be peace on earth, friends. And let it begin with us.
"Mom, why are you standing outside with us at the bus stop in your pajamas," my kids wanted to know as I hopped out of my usual seated position in the warm car to hold them close to me just a moment more.
How can I tell them of the heartache spread deep across our country today? How could I ever explain? What kind of answers can I give to their questions, the same questions I have wrestled with for night after sleepless night? Questions with no answers.
In the wake of the CT tragedy, we easily get lost in darker places. People have turned atheist for far less. Nothing anyone can say or do, write or preach can make it right. And even those of great faith take pause: Where was God? Where was God on Friday morning as those parents thought they were sending their children off to just another ordinary day? And why didn't this most powerful and all-loving Creator step up to the plate and prevent such a horrific scene from unfolding? We shout it in our hearts, the swell of anger at God, questioning why He failed to show up for work that day. And those who normally bear loud witness to the glory of God, go silent. Why? Why not express doubt in troubling times? Why not disclose our anger, our disappointment? Why not share with the world the inner turmoil that takes place even in the hearts of the faithful?
Our questions about God's inaction remain unanswered. We are a creation given free will, each containing within us the potential for both ultimate good and ultimate evil. Yet in the inner most depths of our hearts, we often wish for more: more miracles, more immediate actions that point to an ever present and vigilantly armed God, a God at the ready, a God who will not let a single act of evil prevail. In our despair, we may even think we want more smiting. But God, God is sometimes still. God is sometimes silent. Or maybe our angst and sorrow are too loud to let Him through. If we are most honest, we can admit that it is a grueling and unsettling act of faith to believe in a God who at times seems blatantly apathetic. As an impatient child of God, I want to know the answers right now, this very minute. Yet, as a parent I realize that sometimes there are no good answers, sometimes the child is simply not ready. I recognize God's silence. It's all too familiar.
But if there is anything we learn from those who have born witness before us, it is that God is present, even in the midst of such tragedies. That God was there, God is here now. God is always. God loves the victims, the survivors; those who mourn and grieve, and yes, that same God that loves you and me has a love big enough to surround even those who commit such heinous acts. While we struggle to understand and to forgive, God's love remains and with great love, He weeps. Because at the end of the day, we are all children of the same Creator and as a good parent does, God mourns the loss that took place in the heart of that lost soul long before these events occurred and He mourns for the lives of the victims, and their families and for all of us.
While we may be left wondering why we believe and how we can go on trusting in One who does not seem to care enough to act out loud, we come to see God: In the teachers who told their students that they loved them, in case that would be the last thing they heard. In the staff who shielded students from bullets. In those who rushed at a gun-weilding man in the off chance they could prevent what was to come. In the faces of children whose only fault was being in the wrong place at the wrong time. In all those, in the coming weeks and months, who will bear the burden of loss with those who mourn. God will tend to the basic needs, to the survivors, the families and the community through the hands of those serving one another.
We may be unsettled, shaken, and tiptoeing around the shattered pieces of our own faith, yet we know that there is truth in the sermon being preached all over the country: evil will not prevail. If we are struggling to see how, we, of many faiths, must do as those have done for generations before us: find strength in the believers of old. When our faith teeters on the edge of unbelief, and we are tempted to jump ship, we must rely on the faith of our fore-fathers and mothers, of Moses and Abraham, Sarah and Hannah, Job, Elizabeth, Mary, Joseph.... And when we wonder why we bother praying when our prayers seem to go unanswered, we pause and recall Jesus who went to a lonely place and prayed and wept. And so we, too, pray. And in that prayer we find stillness where it did not exist just moments before. And in the stillness, God.
May we hold on to the morsels of our faith so that God can begin the rebuilding, just as He has done before and will do again, in us and in our world. Let there be peace on earth, friends. And let it begin with us.
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