"I'm not looking back, but I want to look around me now; See more of the people and the places that surround me now. Time stand still." -Rush
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Colors change, light softens, and mornings and evenings grow brisk as a brief calm settles in before the holiday rush. Sandwiched between the madness of school starting and the upcoming festivities, fall is my clear favorite. I feel it in the depths of my soul. My nervous system relaxes each year as the beauty unfolds all around, reminding us to breathe and see and be thankful. This year, however, it brought a sadness I can't quite recall. Time has never been on our side, as it turns out. It rushes forward as we hold on to the reins, pretending to have any control over it at all. We do not.
Perhaps it was the five-year mark since my brother's passing, or coming to terms with no longer being othered; or dropping off yet another adult child, Liam, as he set off for college. (I know, WHAT?!) (Record screetch!)
Yes, you read that right. Liam is at college!
Lily and I got him sorted in his dorm room, toured the campus to get everything he needed, made a Target run to ensure his survival, and then left him there, praying he would figure the rest out. (And by the rest, I mean classes and dining hall hours and friend groups and schedules and cleaning his own bathroom and, does that lock even line up correctly? And why doesn't the key card open the entrance every time? And....I'm not sure I'm even ready for this!)
Thankfully, his school is only 25 minutes away, about 3 minutes from where I work in the fall, so after a few days (and by days, I mean the next day and the next and the next), I checked back in and made sure he was fed and could do his laundry in the unfamiliar machines. The following week, I stopped swinging by so much, and during one of our daily phone chats, I asked Liam how classes were going.
Liam: Fine. Economics is easy. I just have to show up and listen to the guy talk.
Me: Um, Liam, you know you need to study the material in the book and do whatever assignments are in the syllabus, and there will also be tests and.....
Liam: We don't have books.
Me: I promise you, you do. Look at the syllabus.
Liam (after a pause): Oooh, yeah, I think there is one online.
Me: OK, you need to order it so you can study. What about your other classes, Liam?
Liam: Mom, have I EVER even taken English before?
Me: 😳
Liam: I have to write an essay, but I have never done that.
Me: 😳
Liam: I just don't think I have ever taken English before.
Me: Liam, what do you think the E in ELA stands for? You literally took English like EVERY YEAR OF YOUR LIFE!
Liam: Oh. Well, I don't remember that.
****
The concern is real, y'all. 😂
And that sadness? It lingers; sometimes in the shadows, sometimes in the wide open spaces, always a reminder of the passage of time and things left undone...
But while we can't freeze time, at least we still have some comic relief to rely on as it slips away! (Keep up the good work, Liam!ðŸ˜)
