Lenten Parenting

As it turns out, just showing up is often frowned upon in our culture. It is standard to bring something to a dinner party, to doll yourself up for a night out with friends, to prep for a meeting, to study for the test, to train, to rehearse, to do something before you get to wherever you are going.  I can recall one hectic Sunday in which some of my kids were still in their PJ's, hair unbrushed, faces smeared with breakfast, mucus, perhaps some tears, others in sports clothes and just as unkempt, and I probably looked like I had just returned from hours in the coop, when we finally slid into the back row of the church, several minutes late. One older man, a deacon in the church, eyed us with what seemed like utter disgust. Clearly, we were not "church-ready" by his standards. And while I know God doesn't impose those same human conditions on our outwardly self, that feeling that surged through me is unforgettable: one of judgement, of disdain and shame. I wanted to yell at him, tell him he had no idea what the last hour had been like for us, that we were just lucky to have made it at all, and that we NEEDED to be here as much as anyone, possibly more. Instead, I quietly prayed that both our hearts would be softened and mended. And then offered him the passing of the peace. Clearly he needed it as much as I did.      

So as I was thinking about Lent, it occurred to me (on Fat Tuesday) that if I was going to make the effort to show up for this season of preparation, and I wanted my family to tag along on the forty day journey, that I might actually need to put something together this time.

At any rate, I called the pastor at our former church in Minnesota. (In and of itself, calling to ask for help points to growth at least somewhere in my life! Ooooh, the vulnerability!) I guess my hope was that maybe they had some little family devotional e-book that they could simply email me. No such luck. (But not a bad idea for any church if you ask me!) Nonetheless, the conversation was affirming and renewing and lifted my spirits. And it assured me that I was on the right track at some level.

By mid-day on Ash Wednesday, I finally made my way to Google and found some good free resources.....right after ordering a bunch of family devotionals on Amazon. (Admittedly, my timing is not always what it should be.)

Anyway, I found that by piecing the two free devotionals together, we had something worthwhile to guide us through the rawness of Ash Wednesday, and the whole mess beyond.

That night, we read from Genesis, the story of Adam and Eve and their partaking of the fruit and their eyes being opened to everything. (Poor souls!) And we stopped at the point where God's strolling along and calls out to them: "Where are you?"

Well, that is where I stopped it anyway.....the devotional carried on to consequences and such but I could not get past the fact that even though God knew what had happened, he still searched for them, called for them, beckoned them forward....like any loving parent, He still wanted to be in relationship with His children, no matter how strained it had become.

And so I explained to my family that God is searching for us, too, calling us by name, asking us to show up, wherever and however we are. Even now.

It also occurred to me that this story resonated with me on an entirely different level. You see, God set a rule for his naive children, then took his eyes off of them for like two seconds, didn't bother to vet the company that they kept (darn serpent) and then came back, only to find that they had been disobedient (uh, duh....) And while they were busy pointing fingers at each other (well, you know, except for the serpent who didn't have fingers to point!), he totally freaked out on them.....condemning them to a life of pain, suffering, toil, sweat, bread-eating and finally DEATH. I mean, really! Kind of overkill God, don't ya think? Sheesh. (First time parents....)

But we can glean a lot from this story. I mean, even God felt like inflicting suffering on his children in the name of consequences. I get that. I really do. Which is why next time my kids fall out of line I am just going to calmly repeat in my most ominous voice: "You are dust and to dust you shall return." And then lock them all out of the house.

Hey, if it's good enough for God.....




Day one. We showed up.

Ash Wednesday: Showing Up

"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." -- Michael Jordan

It is a favorite quote in our house, one that hangs in Kurt's office, one that we make our kids read when they are up against the stresses of life and fear of possible failure. We cling to it like a kitten hanging from a high branch because we so want to believe that in the end our efforts, our failings and eventual successes will amount to something, will lift us up and bring us home to a place of safety and peace. 

When I ponder the journey to success through the lens of that quote, I envision a staircase, one that starts off with long, deep steps, whose foundation is made of messes and failure. And each step becomes more and more focused toward the top, yet still resting on that foundation of mistakes. More often than not misery and doubt carpet that early, messy place. But somewhere along the lines, those steps become small successes, and the momentum takes a turn, a new rhythm  develops, and the person reaching for that lofty goal, so determined to succeed, fails to even notice that no longer are they tiptoeing around their mistakes and messes but are being uplifted by their own success, no longer needing the stairs at all.....they reach a point where they can take off and soar. 

The thing is, most of us, leading ordinary lives, are not basking in the glow of MVP awards, championship trophies, fame, fortune. We do not always even have an end game, cannot even see a goal at the top, and are left wondering if there is one at all. We get stuck in the ruts of the stairs, sliding backward as often as we make progress, and when we read things about finding purpose and calling and thriving, not just surviving, our eyes glaze over as we scroll through our to-do list in the back of our heads and realize we have missed half of it, if we have even begun at all.....and the bacon is burning in the oven and the water is overflowing in the sink and someone clogged a toilet and everyone is hungry......and we realize that WE are hungry too. We simply cannot juggle all the balls we have going. Who has the time to sacrifice for success? And what is success if not the culmination of the many pieces of ourselves, good and bad, all coming together? 

This is the place I find myself in as we again begin the Lenten journey. I want to say that, because I am so empty, I do not need 40 days to ponder, to purge, to resist temptations, to prepare myself for the blessing of Easter. But the fact is, since moving here, my spiritual journey has stalled and taken a back seat, leaving me a lost wanderer in an increasingly bare desert.....perhaps the perfect place to find myself at the start of this season; unfamiliar and full of trepidation, yet somehow safe for I know I am not alone on this much needed journey. 

We do not show up whole and perfect. We do not need to. We cannot. Instead, we show up messy and fragmented, discontent and consumed and empty, and face to face with as many failings as there are stars in the sky. But we show up anyway. Just as God wants. And we are loved. 

And that is why we succeed. 

How is it February?

Several years ago,  you may recall that I lead the blog through a minimalist phase.....you know, where I started purging the house of as much stuff as I could. Much to Kurt's dismay, I believe I only made it through the first few stages of my Pack Rat Anonymous posts but still, by the end of the experience, we were well on our way to be a little lighter in our house.

Well, little did I know that part of the minimalism would include such a huge reduction in blog posts. It used to be that I blogged several times a week.....sometimes daily. And then Solomon came along and RUINED EVERYTHING! Ok, not really. He is actually a pretty cool little chap, you know, when he isn't destroying things. (So much for his name meaning "peace" and all.)

So, last month, he turned 5. FIVE! He will head to kindergarten this fall. He will learn to ride a bike (maybe) and tie shoes (assuming I stop buying velcro) and read (if he ever puts the guns down long enough to actually learn his letters and sounds)..... Already he can beat me at a game of Jenga (which I am pretty sure says more about my poor Jenga skills than it says about him) and he knows how to smooth talk his way in and out of anything. (Like the time he came into the kitchen and asked: "Mom, you know why I always kiss you and hug you?"
"Why's that Solly?" I asked back.
"Because I loooove you," he said. Then there was a slight pause as he handed me Liam's iPad. "Can you enter Liam's passcode for me?"......Sigh.
It's like butter.)

Solomon is quite the little guy, full of energy, curiosity and loads of love. He's already putting himself out there as the ladies' man, has a crush on a little girl in his class, whom he has declared his heart to, and his favorite place is still in my way, er, I mean, in my lap, layering me in hugs and kisses. He's a mama's boy to be sure (which is only annoying half the time) and he is of his own (read: stubborn) mind. He is certainly our kid on every level.

So, the day before his fifth birthday, he declared:
"Mom, I know what my name should be," as if he had been working on this for years and had finally come up with the right answer.
"Oh really? What should your name be?" I curiously wanted to know.
"Steve Rogers," he answered emphatically. "It is the best name, a good name, and I would like to be called Steve Rogers from now on."

Thank you, Captain America! Not only do you save the world repeatedly while acting as eye candy to an entire generation of women, but you have now solved the problem of what we should have named our son from the get go. (It's like he has some faint, subconscious memory of having been unnamed for the first few days of his life and the drama that seemed to unfold at the announcement of his given name. You can read that post here.)

Anyway, Solly turned 5, and then Liam turned 8 last week and now February has snuck up on us, as if we were in a rush to get somewhere. Slow down, Father Time, if not just for a moment, so that I can etch into memory these days that arrive too soon and are gone as quick.

Madeline's precision made for a lovely Steve Rogers Cake.  

Fiiiive, Silkie Roos, Part 3

Alls well that ends well.....assuming it ends!

A week or so after Rooster #3 appeared, I got THIS email:

Hey Karen!  (and A*.  I figured we might as well continue to keep you in the chicken loop :)

How are Eli and his new girlfriends doing?  Maddie is doing really well.  She is bonding with our two Buff Orphingtons, but prefers to sleep alone in a separate coop.   

Yesterday, Jo(e), our white bearded Silkie, decided to tell us that she is a he and thus we must change the spelling of his name.  :(  Kids are so upset and we are all just completely shocked.  Not sure if you wanted another roo.  I’m sure we can find him a home elsewhere if you do not want him. 

Hope all is going well with you and your chicken-hater neighbors!

Looking forward to your reply,

J*

(Seriously, how can one resist THAT beauty of a WHITE rooster?!)

****

And THAT is how we ended up with a 5th rooster.....(This is Common Core Math y'all.....3-3+3+1=5 (because I forgot to tell you about that OTHER silkie that ended up being a rooster....so really there should be another 1 in that equation but why mention ALL the facts when you can leave stuff out?!) and to complicate matters, I am almost positive one of the others is a closet rooster too.....he is just waiting to let us know until the time is right I am sure, like right smack dab in the middle of a HUGE family function where all our friends and neighbors are around to get in on the family dirt....so, 3-3+3+1 might now = 6!) 

So, I responded with something like this:

Yeah, it’s always tough when they surprise you with that whole gender change thing. But better now than a few mates or successful careers later…..just sayin’. 

Sooo, you know I wanted a white rooster…..and actually I ended up with one after all was said and done. Then, last week, one of my most beautiful Silkies (Whole Grain) started crowing….so, I am up to 4 roosters…..I haven’t decided how to proceed. I have some crow collars I was going to try. They are these collars that you put on slightly tight against their neck and it helps keep them a little quieter. I didn’t think they worked too well with my Three Stooges but I am hoping maybe these guys are young enough that they will learn. If they work well, you could potentially bring Eli home again. I would trade you for the white one if you like, lol. But we really like Eli. He is a cool little guy and is doing very well here. He is quite the social butterfly that one…. 

I will get the collar on him tomorrow and see if it makes a big enough difference for him to be a city dweller again but don’t hold your breath. I didn’t want to say anything before because really, they didn’t do a darn bit of good with my other guys and I wasn’t even going to try again but now, with four roosters crowing, three french hens, two turtle doves….doh, sorry….. I think I had better give it a go. (That darn Christmas song really missed out on their number 4…..but if I take your beautiful Joe (which is ironically the name of our chicken hating neighbor, hee hee hee, it’s like it was MEANT TO BE!), it could be "Fiiiiiiiive, Silkie Roos! Four calling birds, three french hens"…..ok, you get the drift….. 

So, give me a day to try this out and see if it makes a difference. I do have a friend who makes a habit of housing roosters so I could take Joe (because I think he belongs here) and give her my Whole Grain. Then Joe and Eli could take the silkie ladies as their beloved(s) to begin life in the other coop. 

Sound good? Just wait until you hear from me before you do anything crazy like looking for someone else! (Sheesh, I have known you for over a month and you are already looking for another farm…..some friend of an in-law you are! hee hee, just kidding.)

Talk soon!

Karen

p.s. I tried attaching pictures but my computer laughed at me and spit them out….will try again in a minute after I scold this thing.

*****

Then, apparently too much time transpired because I got this in my inbox:

Hi Karen,

We were checking in to see how things were going.  

We are happy to hear Eli is adjusting to things. 

The crow collar make me sad… what about ear plugs for the neighbor? (Blogger's note: Really T*? You're a softy! Or a genius, not sure which...)

Let us know how your Roo situation is working out.

While Eli was my favorite, Joe is a favorite to our kids… this is another tough situation… damn chickens! (Really T*, watch the swearing! This is a PUBLIC blog .... that you did not know you would be included in.....)

See what wives and kids do - - - Fowl Play — when Dad is away… ugh - buying chickens!

T* 

P.S. I’m glad we are keeping A* in the loop.

****

I hear ya on the crow collar….he was not pleased with it at first either…..then he did the whole Stevie Wonder thing and got it loose enough that it doesn’t bother him (and he crows away anyway…..) so basically it isn’t any good on him, other to make him look like a tough guy. He made sure to let me know how he felt about it when I let him out today though….that was not pleasant! (Little pecker!)

Anyway, I don’t care about the crowing, I was only seeing if it would reduce his noise so that you could have him but it does not, so he is perfectly at home here, still eyeing our hens every day. It is cute really.

I am going out of town for Thanksgiving (and by out of town I mean we are driving 5 kids and a dog down to FL…..don’t get too jealous, I am making the girls leave the other animals behind….) but we can do something about Joe when I get back. Hopefully you can keep him that long....

Anyway, I will let you know when we get back if you can wait that long (otherwise, just drop the rooster off in the bunker with Eli…..they already know each other so should be just fine…..lol….and I have someone coming to care for them all of course).

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!  

Karen

****

And then my brother-in-law chimed in with might be the funniest part of the entire exchange but I can't share it with you because you know, it might lose him his job.....well, probably not given I just took in 2 of his partner's roosters (I JUST SAVED YOUR JOB A*! YOU. ARE. WELCOME!) oh, and the fact that he is his own boss.....there's that little piece too....(nevermind A*....I am guessing you wouldn't fire yourself over your own inappropriate joke.....)

I bet you wish I would share it huh.....

Too bad. But Google Eddie Murphy's Delirious Ice Cream skit and then you will know why I am the way I am.

*****

Fiiiiive Silkie Roos, Part 2

Blogger's note: Here is your early Christmas gift: I just wrote and entire post, like a NOVEL LONG and accidentally erased the entire thing. So, because I am now completely out of the time I didn't have to begin with, you get the abbreviated version.

****

So then, the day came, Eli was dropped off, and I ended up with what seems like a very typical Common Core Math problem where you have three Roosters, you give away three roosters and somehow end up with 3 Roosters. (Look, it makes sense if you ARE NO ONE WHO EVER TOOK MATH!)

And as T* and J* and their kids put away our new bunnies (what? I never mentioned the two new bunnies??? See what you missed in my NOVEL LONG POST?!) T* asked me, as he held back his tears, how we could give our lovely Maddy away without being entirely broken up. (Because we are not wimps T*, that's why! Just kidding.) I explained to him that we had already had to give away the Three Stooges and had several chickens die so we were hardened (hardened, make-believe farmers, that's us.) And that's how we ended up with Eli.....who happens to look exactly like our Three Stooges:




All's well that ends well, right??

Fiiiiiive, Silkie Roos!: Part 1

As you may have figured out, nothing is private around here. The following is a series of emails, somewhat edited for brevity and confidentiality, (as if either of those exist in my world) that I exchanged with a couple I did not know until recently. (The husband happens to be a pediatrician and business partner of my brother-in-law, who somehow couldn't care less about chickens but was copied on the entire exchange because THAT'S HOW WE ROLL A*!)

At any rate, here is a little peek into what goes on in my free time. (Unlike the other 500 blog posts that were all business-like....)

****

Hi Karen, 

When I saw Kurt last week (when he came to visit A*) he told us that you have chickens. We have chickens as well. (Blogger's note: Ok, let me just stop here because what he wrote was: We have chickens as well. But what I read was WE HAVE CHICKENS AS WELL!!!!!) I told Kurt that we had an issue because it turns out that one of our chickens, my favorite, is actually a silkie rooster. Unfortunately in the city we are unable to have roosters.

Kurt told me that you had obtained a total of nine Silky's trying to get a rooster but that they were all female. I was joking with Kurt and thought perhaps a trade could be in order.

My wife is the primary chicken farmer in our household. Her name is J*. Therefore I'm making this email intro so you both can take it from here. 

If some type of trade takes place we might have to negotiate visitation rights as our rooster 'Eli' (formerly Ellen) has won over our hearts. He loves to be pet and is just so darn cute. In spite of being very reluctant about this whole chicken concept I would miss him very much.

Thanks and I hope this leads to happier chickens and families.

T*

CEO Doctor (and Chicken Convert)

****

My reaction: Oh boy, I get to talk chickens! Woo hoo! (Sucker.)

****

Hi T* and J*, 

When Kurt called me the other day with the news that he had a way for me to "expand my chicken business", I got all excited.... before he finished the sentence with “by going into chicken trading.” (For a second there, I thought maybe he had finally recognized the genius in my plans for expanding our meager coop and run into a chicken empire…..no such luck.)

Anyway, yes, we bought 10 silkie peeps from a farmer I know and all of them are hens (well, not counting the peep that didn’t make it through its first 24 hours with us….probably the rooster I was hoping for but seriously, what are the odds?….Kurt said about 1 in 500….he doesn’t get rhetorical questions I guess.) We actually had three roosters previously but I wasn’t entirely convinced they were pure silkie (I think that particular person sold me cross breeds and knowingly gave me all roosters as I could tell within hours that they were very “roosterish” and I had never even had a Roo before) and so of course I couldn’t use them for breeding. And then the alpha of the Three Stooges became mean and quite aggressive and I got tired of explaining to friends and family that he really was good at heart….. so we gave them away to a friend who has a flock of roosters. (Don’t ask. She’s crazy.)

All that to say, I am sure we can work something out. I do want a Silkie rooster (although I was hoping for white but then Kurt explained that that could possibly be misconstrued for chicken racism so perhaps I need to rethink my breeding scheme.) 

Let me know what you are thinking. I do have a lot of silkie hens if that is what you are looking for. But I have plenty of others too if you want a bigger layer. 

Visitation would be fine of course. And I am happy to send pictures of the happy lad digging around out back if that would ease your sense of loss. It is funny how attached one can get to their birds….

Hope to hear from you guys again soon!

Karen

Chicken Tender

****

Hi Karen,

So I must admit to stalking you a bit on your blog to determine if you are Eli worthy.  You pretty much passed with flying colors!  Love your blog!!!  (Blogger's note: Good thing because I am totally putting you in it!) We were also happy to hear that you are not racist!  We have really been dragging our feet on finding Eli a home because, as far as chickens go, Eli is pretty special.  (Personally, I think I am becoming a crazy chicken lady; however, T* and the kids are having an equally hard time about this.)  If you would be willing to make a trade it would be much easier on the kids, but if you really don’t want to give up a chicken, we completely understand and are just happy to find Eli a great home.   Allowing us with visitation rights and photos are a must and non-negotiable though! :)  

....How's Nov.1?

Thanks Karen!  Looking forward to hearing from you!

J*

****

Nice, so I get a rooster AND a stalker! It's like an offer I can't refuse!

So, I was talking to my girls about which hen to give up and we admittedly had VERY different opinions on which one was okay to let go of. We will figure that piece out later but yes, I believe we are okay with Nov. 1st. I should hopefully have my, ahem, third coop by then (I'm not crazy, well, I'm not the craziest, but what is a girl supposed to do, turn down a free coop?! I mean, come on Kurt....) and so we will have plenty of space to keep Eli until I can safely introduce him to his new gals.

If you haven't introduced new chickens to your flock, please note that it isn't always an easy process....how many hens do you have? Hopefully it won't be bad since they are Silkies.....but hens can sometimes be kinda cranky about the new kid in town....and by cranky I mean they can maul them to pieces....but Silkies are a docile breed so hopefully you won't have that problem. And Eli will be ok because he is a Roo and will pretty quickly establish his dominance....once I remove the current Roo that is....but he and his mate need to be separated out anyway, otherwise I'm going to end up with a Sebrite Silkie mix which would not be at all in line with my original plan....and you can ask Kurt how well I stuck to THAT plan (one small coop and a dozen layers) but seriously, this is an even BETTER plan, my Chicken Empire, that is: Graceful like a Chickempire.....

OK, more later! 

-k

****

To be continued.....

The Comic Strip

Lily came home from school the other day EXTREMELY excited (as opposed to just her usual state of being: totally thrilled).

"Mom, I made you a comic strip!" she said, handing me this:

And of course I thought it was the Best. Thing. Ever! (You know, outside her terrible spelling....) 

So, as luck would have it, my to-do list was a mile long this week and I had no time to go online and make my own version....but I totally did it anyway because sometimes you just have to get sidetracked a little bit in order to live life to the fullest (and by fullest, I mean full of stress brought on by myself because I am constantly getting distr.....hey look! Squirrel!)

All that said, I would like to present to you, the first edition, in its very rawest form, of The Graceful Chicken Comic Strip. And because I am certain you cannot read it AT ALL, click here to see it online. 

And Part Two (click here): 

Now THAT should totally make your day! Happy Thursday! 

(Seriously, I have issues....)