The Importance of Competence

I will not claim to be the most competent person that has ever existed....a far cry from it in oh so many ways. However, if there is one place where I struggle to extend grace and forgiveness, it is when dealing with people who don't take their jobs serious enough to do it well, or at least half-competently so that it doesn't infringe on others. I realize sometimes people are just not that bright and perhaps mediocre performance IS their best, and in those cases, where I have not been graceful, patient or forgiving in my encounters, I am truly sorry. However.....

Rewind back to last week: I made an appointment for a follow-up ultrasound to make sure the fatty tumor I've been sporting up top is as benign as they say it is. I am pretty confident it is nothing to fret over but figured I ought to at least follow-up to be sure. So, last week I made the appointment for this Wednesday, the only day I have with enough free time for such an appointment. To avoid any mishaps in date-setting (like I have recently experienced), I asked TWICE during the conversation for the date and time so that I could add it to both my calendars. I then sent an email to Kurt to check his availability to babysit and when he said he was already booked, I immediately found a friend to take Solomonkey for me. As luck would have it, the friend who was going to watch him became suddenly unavailable when her family came down with the stomach bug. I scrambled to find another willing friend and then sat back, breathing easy.....

....Until later last night when I got a call from the hospital pre-registration. Apparently, even though I did not have to pre-register for the initial appointment, they wanted to do so for this one. I willingly obliged, thinking it would cut some time from the actual appointment and speed up the check-in process. (Oh, what rose colored glasses!)

My conversation went something like this:

Registrar: "What is your last name?"
Me: "Wolf."
Registrar: "Spelled like it sounds?"
Me: "Yes, like the animal."

**Pause**

Registrar: "First name?"
Me: "Karen, with a K."
Registrar: "What's your birthdate?"
Me: "Five...Thirty-One...Seventy-seven."
Registrar: "Um, have you been here before?"
Me: "Well, this is a follow-up appointment. Oh, and I delivered two babies there."

She begins naming off street addresses that are not mine.

Me: "Wow, you have that many Karen Wolfs in there?"
Registrar: "Hmmmm, that's Wolf,  W-O-L-F-E, right?"
Me: "No, there is no 'E' on the end." (No biggie, I think. In the almost 12 years I have lived with this name, only a handful of registrars get it right....apparently the spelling of the animal was never a priority in school.....at least she didn't spell it W-U-F-F like has happened on more than one occasion.)

She offers up more addresses I do not recognize.

Registrar: "What's your birthdate again?"
Me: "5-31-77."
Registrar: "And you don't live at (insert random address)?"
Me: "Nope."
Registrar: "Ok, so Wolf, no 'e', and 5-41-77."
Me (now banging the phone against my head and about to call over my 5-year old to ask her how many days are in the LONGEST month of the year because I am pretty sure, unless they recently changed things, there are no months with FORTY-ONE DAYS!): "No, it's May, Thirty-First."
Registrar: "Oh, Wolf, no e, May, First." 


I cover the mouthpiece (just in case) and let out the loudest silent scream possible.....my new mantra: We all make mistakes. We all make mistakes. We all make mistakes.

Me: "No. It. Is. The. THIRTY-FIRST." (We all make mistakes.....)


**Pause**

Registrar: "Oh, here it is. You have an appointment on Thursday, right?"
Me (now holding back belligerence through gritted teeth and squinted eyes): "No, it should be tomorrow." I double check my wall calendar and pull up my Google calendar to be sure.
Registrar: "You live at (insert correct address), correct?"
Me (now practicing my yoga breathing: Inhale): "Yes." (Exhaaaaaaaaale)
Registrar: "I show you have an appointment Thursday, not tomorrow. Let me verify your social...."

At which point I went and bought a therapist because I didn't think a glass of wine was going to cut it!

But then, all those little frustrations in life are totally worth it, when I am given sweet pictures like Lily's latest self-portrait:

Which is amazingly accurate for a five year old (and perhaps those working in the scheduling department at the hospital system....)

Have a great day!

Sunday's Reminder: Where is grace?

Today's post was written a week or so ago after one of life's tougher days. And as I look around the current state of our home (in disarray from a fun-filled weekend of flurried activity that took place after a week stuck inside with an uninvited guest....darn stomach bug...) and I see the fruit flies we are apparently breeding in our fresh evergreen centerpiece (really bugs?) I realize this story is not too far from our present. 


****


Today has been an overwhelming sort of day. We awoke to a freezing house (our brand new, less than 4 month-old furnace had apparently called it quits) and, moving slowly in that frozen state, we were late getting out the door for the bus stop. When I got home, I stuck Solomon in the highchair to eat a belated breakfast while waiting for the furnace repair man when all of a sudden, I remembered I had a conference at Liam's school starting IN 5 MINUTES. I hurried the three of us out the door, to the school, over the new layer of ice in the parking lot, arrived at the classroom 10 minutes late, got through the conference and rushed back to our frozen home in hopes I hadn't missed the repair guy. Still slightly bundled as we sat in front of the only electric room heater we own, a feeling of defeat overcame me as I looked around: the house was a wreck from yesterday's room rearranging and there were two humungous boxes from the table/chair sets we bought with no place to go but in the way. Even the cat was miserable....he joined us in front of the heater and just sat there, staring.

Granted, Solomon might have been happier had he not had Liam's finger in his eyeball....

The repairman arrived and discovered our circuit board was fried due to water damage coming from an unknown source which they later identified as from the water softener, (a problem not covered under warranty, of course). After half a day replacing parts and rewiring our humidifier, our house finally warmed up. After he left, I still had to get to the grocery store, another conference, my mom's group at church (which, I decided was first on the chopping block and skipped!) and had yet to discover the nice ball of poop sitting in the middle of our floor....I'd like to blame it on the cat but I am fairly certain it was a child.....I'm just not sure how it got there....I'm not sure I want to know either! 

I found a moment to run on my treadmill at some point in the chaos and I ran across this passage out of Jeremiah in a book I am reading: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord. Jeremiah 29:13-14


After the run, I went back to reread the passage in my Bible since it is a personal favorite (and comforting one at that): "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you."

And I thought, did I bother calling on God today? Was He listening? If I had been seeking Him, where would I have found Him? 

And I realized that yes, we were running late in the morning but that the bus had been held up by another child and waited a little longer than usual, allowing time for my kids to get on. I then was late to the conference but it was filled with good news about Liam's progress in school and how well he is doing despite his developmental delays. The furnace problem, though an annoyance to be sure, was a good reminder of those less fortunate who are always out in the cold because they have no place to call home. And at the end of the work, the repairman gave us a pass and covered it anyway even though he didn't have to. Although I was late (again) getting to my kids at the bus stop in the afternoon, it was only because I had another glowing conference about Liam and his progress and than ran into a beloved teacher who wanted to share joyful news about her own son in Europe (while filling our tummies with M&M's in the meanwhile). And when I finally got to the bus stop, another parent had patiently waited with my kids so that the bus would leave them for me: a true act of kindness.  

While I still don't know where the turd came from, (some things are better left a mystery) I realize there was so much goodness in the craziness. I am reminded just how easy it is to focus on the negatives while failing to see where our lives are drenched in grace. (Seriously, when was the last time you got the front parking spot at the grocery store during lunchtime!?! I so needed that.) 

Anyway, I pray that you find warmth and strength for your soul this week in the love that is God; that the spirit beckons you, leading you to seek out those places where your life touches grace and brings hope to your future and boundless joy to your days.

Don't forget to seek Him out, don't forget to call.....He is listening!

"I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.... Jeremiah 29:11-14

The Encourager

Some people are just natural encouragers. Take little Liam for instance. Yes, you may know he is full of joy and happiness but he is also a little bundle of enthusiasm and encouragement.

This morning, we were going to his speech appointment where he was going to be finishing up some testing to see if he still qualifies for services (a blessing to be sure!) We decided we would stop by the local coffee shop to pick up a special coffee for his pathologist as a Happy Thanksgiving gift. I missed the turn.

"Oh shoot!" I exclaimed.

"What, Mom?! What?" Liam said, almost worried.

"I screwed up my driving and missed the turn," I told him.

"It O.K., Mom," he said. "Try again! Try again, Mom!"

"Liam, you're awesome," I told him.

Then again, if someone were constantly telling me I was awesome after half the things I said and did, I might very well be super encouraging to others, too!

Have a Fantastic Thanksgiving!

The Differences

Thought I had forgotten about you, didn't ya?! No such luck! We have just been super busy.

It occurred to me recently that although everyone thinks Madeline and Lily look a bit like twins, they are really very different kids. I don't know if it is because unlike the people-pleasing Madeline, Lily has already gotten in trouble this year for lashing out at other students (twice in one day....apparently they did SOMETHING to deserve having their work scribbled on by my daughter and then having their scissors snagged away) or if it is just the different types of things that they are "into" these days but no matter, they are each very much their own person. And I think it can be best accentuated by their art.

Let me use Aidan as the control sample. Notice his works of art: planned, skilled, structured. He is the kid who, when told to do his best work, executes every last stroke of his pen, pencil, or paintbrush with precision, putting each line meticulously in its place, making his mother panic in the painstakingly slow process of everything he does. But, the finished work is often worth the head contusions from banging the wall wait:

 

Aidan and Mom with Leroy (1st grade)

The Tiger (oil based pastels, 1st grade)

Under the Sea (2nd Grade)

The Horse (3rd Grade)

Black and White Sandile (from Pokemon, a few weeks ago)

Untitled (Last Weekend)

Then there is Madeline's art: simplistic, cute, happy, calm, relaxed.

The Honeybee (Preschool)

The Pig (Preschool)

Madeline and Kurt (Summer between Kindergarten and 1st)

Self-Portrait: Princess Madeline (Summer between Kindergarten and 1st)

Plain Bunny (1st grade)

Bandit Bunny (1st grade)

Self Portrait (Last Weekend...and almost true to size!) 

And then there is Lily. I think her frenetic art speaks for itself (as well as her inner being!):

Lily's Bunnies (perhaps on drugs or after selling their souls to the devil or both....)

Christmas Trees (gone wild!)

Person Unknown (but it sure as heck looks like the Muppet character  Beaker!)

Mom (Actually, this one is about right....I often feel just. like. that!)

The Sun (Smiling down on the Incredibly Gigantic Lady who wears the sun on her bosom and 5 monsters on her skirt with hair that puts even Rapunzel to shame! Oh wait, I think this was supposed to be me as well....)

Aidan Practicing Snare (drawn while he was performing for us this morning)

Have a happy week!

Seven Years Ago Today, Continued

It had been a rough few months. In the midst of the excitement over being pregnant with our second child, there was the scare of an ultrasound which had pointed to possible problems: a blob-like mass on the placenta, cysts in both sides of the brain; and a blood test that showed elevated risk. There had been worry from family and friends, lack of understanding from health care providers who told us we "couldn't make an informed decision without having an amnio" and similar feelings from those around us. We had cried in the fear of the unknown yet held tight to a hope that reassured us that no matter the outcome, all would be well.

The moment of peace that descended on us when we were told we were only faced with potential Down Syndrome, not something else more devastating or fatal, is like nothing we can describe. But after all that fear and worry and stress, we were left with the peace that can only come with great surrender.

In those last few weeks, we studied Down Syndrome and we spoke to parents and families who had been affected by it. We tried to stick one foot in that door, just in case, and in the privacy of our home we tossed around our thoughts and feelings and retained our hope as we prayed our silent prayers: prayers of acceptance, of faith, and of surrender.

When she entered this world, we saw a squishy, healthy baby that had come quickly and efficiently to us. It was late at night and the nurses showered her with praise as they prepared us for her first night in this world. Yet one questioned remained: Did she have that extra chromosome?

You'd think we would have known instantly. We had done this before, certainly our parental instincts would kick in and overwhelm us one way or another. But truth be told, she was like most newborns, slanted eyes, a squashed face, a little swollen, beautiful and perfect. We had given her her name and she was ours.

But the first thing everyone wanted to know when we called with our joyous news was: Is she ok?

And we told them, yes, she is okay, one way or another. And the nurses reassured us that she was healthy but that they couldn't tell us anything more than that. They couldn't determine whether she had that extra something or not. We'd have to wait until morning.

Seven years ago today, morning came and it didn't matter really what the doctor had to say because the thing is, when you have a baby, your heart grows a little larger and beats a little stronger and the only thing that matters is that all encompassing love that is big enough to sustain life, whatever it may offer. And babies, well, they are gifts and like any heavenly gift, we don't get to pick out the details. And like most gifts, babies do nothing to deserve our love, they simply exist and we simply swell in their existence.

It's one of the few glimpses we get into the heart of God.

The doctor came in early and I could almost sense the stifling of a great chuckle when we asked him about her chromosomes. She had the typical amount he assured us. Yet what we felt was not some collective sigh of relief but the simple acknowledgement of grace: a grace that had allowed us to find peace in the midst of the unknown and assurance in our total surrender. And in that moment, we inhaled what was and exhaled what could have been knowing that either way, we had been given an incredible gift of love.

2004

Seven Years Ago Today

Happy 7th Birthday Madeline Jane!

Words Can Never Hurt Me....Usually...

Sometimes I only catch the end of the conversation but sometimes that is all I need to hear.

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me," Madeline chanted to her siblings who apparently had said something less than kind.

"Yuh-huh," Lily said, scooting her chair away from the table.

"No, they can't," Madeline replied.

"Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi...." Lily said, right in her face.

"OOOOOW, Lily!" Madeline screamed.

"See, told you so," Lily said.

"LILY, your words did NOT hurt me. You punched me, that's what hurt!" Madeline insisted.

"Hey Mom, do we have a really big dictionary?" Aidan asked.

"Aidan, you are not hitting your sister with a dictionary," I told him.

"Ah, come on!" he exclaimed.

Really, we are in fact trying to teach them kindness but it seems to be oh, so hard sometimes.  As a matter of fact, sometimes it seems like we are actually just a comic strip waiting to happen.

Have a great week!