One of the big decisions to be made in the middle of unentangling spouses is who gets the house. I'll save you the train-wreck of ruminating thoughts, how many times I have gone back and forth about keeping the house, the decade of history latched on to it like a barnacle, and the fears around letting it go, but, essentially, I staked my claim early, and ever since, I have found myself wandering from room to room, trying to envision what I might want it to look like if it is solely mine (well, mine and the kids... and the animals...and the stuff....and the memories and....) The tough part is this: I have never truly loved the house. Not to sound spoiled, but I actually don't think any of us have really loved the actual house. While it is certainly more than big enough, and quite nice, the compartmentalized floor plan, the 20 year old colors, even the furnishings and ornamental details, make it feel stuffy and cold. It has never felt comfy, cozy or warm. There is nothing airy and open and free about it. It has actually been the antithesis of how I want my home to feel. But the property....oh, the land, the beauty....it is incredible. The grass, the rolling field, the view, the space.
It is almost as lovely as living on an ocean or lake. (This is a distant almost.) And it is where my kids have mostly grown up and where they keep coming back to when they come home. So, I am slowly working on making this house a home that feels safe and nurturing and authentic to our new family unit; one that surrounds us with love and acceptance and peace; a place where everyone feels valued and knows their worth; a space that feels like a big hug from an adoring mom....where they will all come back to again and again.
And apparently the process is going to require a boat load of paint. And as you know, I have a love-hate relationship with paint....and because of that, a first name basis with the guys at Sherwin Williams.
So, one of the first projects I worked on in the initial days without kids in the house was the entryway. I needed to create the feeling I wanted in a reasonable space that wouldn't cost too much (money, anxiety or otherwise). Originally, I was hoping for a modern farmhouse vibe (at least on the inside) but somehow as the project ran its course, it ended up quite beachy.....apparently, you can take the girl away from the beach but you can't take the beach away from the girl....
Deborah's interior designer friend suggested I look at the color Argos. On a 2" tile, it looked nothing like what I wanted and so I bought 13 sample sizes of paint before giving Argos a whirl and realized, oh, she really does know what she is talking about. (Which you would think I would have remembered from last time....maybe I am just a little slow.) Here is the end result:
And with that came the bug to start the next project: getting rid of the split pea soup green booger color in the kitchen. And as anyone with any experience whatsoever will tell you, once you start down this path, it is nearly impossible to come back. I asked Deborah's friend once again for more color ideas and this time, I went to pick up those two colors......and 10 more, because, what if she is wrong THIS TIME??? (Also, they have started to give me a contractor's discount.) Sure enough, the first color up had a little too much yellow (although it maybe just needed 8 coats to cover up the pea green) and so I started painting different color splotches all over the kitchen. My new goal was not to get it just right the first time (that's WAY too much pressure!) but to just get an acceptable fresh slate painted to see where to go next on the project. Eventually, I ended up choosing the second color she suggested (because, well, she is better at this than I am, clearly!)
And with that, the painter got going and the more he painted, the more I requested until, instead of just doing one side of the space, he had done three. (And I am still kicking myself for not just finishing the last wall but there's more to that one, like two stories more.)
And then we celebrated Lily's 19th birthday, complete with a cake she made herself and freshly painted walls (see behind her).
And after all that, Deborah had to go out of town and suggested maybe waiting a little while before we started a new project.....but all that extra paint was beckoning us and so, I gave the girls freedom to do whatever they wanted on one wall (which became the entire room) and the girls mixed and matched and got creative and now we have a hang out space with so much character and light I smile every time I enter. (Just don't look too closely to the details as we learned our painting skills by watching Mr. Miyagi teach Daniel in Karate Kid....)
Before getting rid of all the red
It's like taking in a big breath of freedom and exhaling nothing but love and light and a little laughter.
And it is also a gigantic reminder: We can do this.
