What Not to Do (No Matter What the Excuse!)

Dear Slightly Creepy Older Gentleman,

While I realize I am a bit younger and do not yet know all the ways of the world, I am fairly certain that continuing to run into my shopping cart, over and over again, because it got a pleasant reaction from my baby the first time you did it, well, it's not what most people would consider appropriate.

You see, when I looked up the first time you accidentally drove your cart into mine, I was mostly checking to see that you didn't hurt my child sitting in front. When you apologized, I assumed the exchange was over and, no harm, no foul, I went back to the task of self-check out. (Take note, this is where most people, intrigued by the giggling baby, would begin a quiet round of Peek-a-Boo, or "Gimme 5," or perhaps Pat-a-Cake, This Little Piggy, Where is Thumbkin....or anything else!)

I must admit, I was a little surprised when you once again bumped into my cart. I politely ignored the second, third, fourth, fifth......tenth time you hit my cart in hopes of eliciting that same fun reaction from my child. If you did not notice, I had to jam my foot under the cart's front wheel so that it didn't keep moving forward, away from where I needed it, and I was only able to proceed with my check-out process because I am used to having to do things with minor irritations swarming all around me.

I must admit, when I finally stopped and looked at you, trying to catch a glimpse of understanding, I was a little taken aback that not only had you been ramming into my cart this whole time, but you had done so while opting not to go complete your own self-check out in one of the two other lanes that had opened up. In response to my quizzical look, you explained that my child liked it.

Really? Well, you know what else he likes? He likes to poop in the tub. And he finds it quite funny when I dump water over his brother's head while bathing. Yes, he gets a good kick out of that. Maybe next time, you'd like it if I poured my water bottle over your head while you are trying to scan and bag your groceries.

Yes sir, that would be a riot and I am certain the baby would laugh. But if he didn't laugh after that first time, I would be happy to repeat the process over and over and over again to see if maybe the dozenth time he chuckles. Let's make a date of it, shall we?

Sincerely (amazed),
The Most Graceful Chicken