Finger-Lickin' Good (or The Costco Trip)
"Bolivian President Evo Morales doesn't want his countrymen eating chicken. Why not? Because he seems to think it makes them gay. Speaking at a conference on climate change, the leftist politician gave a stern warning against genetically modified foods. "The chicken we eat is loaded with female hormones. So, when men eat it, they tend to deviate from their manhood." After the audience broke out in laughter, he also claimed chicken causes baldness. "Baldness that appears to be normal is a disease in Europe, almost all of them are bald, and that is because of the things they eat; while among the indigenous peoples there are no bald people, because we eat other things.” Bloggers are having a field day...." -The Atlantic Wire
So the question that comes to mind (other than what does eating chicken have to do with climate change?) is: does that mean the more chicken a woman eats, the more matronly she becomes?
Last Saturday, I ventured out with all four kids on a lovely trip to Costco. Perhaps you question the sanity in that decision and wonder why I would set myself up like that, but quite honestly, the kids do very well in those situations....especially when they know they will only get fed if they behave. (I don't recommend that strategy for day-to-day parenting of course; I'm guessing the Department of Children's Services frowns down a bit on it....) At any rate, we went through Costco in record time, and upon getting to the register realized we had only forgotten one item. (Woo hoo! Progress!) After deciding the cheese could wait, I loaded our items on the conveyor belt and asked the kids what they wanted to order for lunch.
"Pizza!" Aidan shouted over top of Madeline who was shouting "PEPPERONI PIZZA!" over Lily who yelled "PEPPERONI, NO WAIT, CHEEEEEEESE PIZZA!" while Liam just screeched "Ahhhhhhhhhhh! Eeeeeeeee!" And then Aidan, in second thought, yelled even louder, "I change my mind, I want a HOT DOG!" at the same time Madeline was saying, "NO, NOT PEPERRONI, CHEESE PLEASE!" Until they about sounded like a chorus of confused, sizzling cheese pizzas crashing into a hot dog vendor.
The guy loading the basket looked at me and chimed in, "You must like Advil........A LOT."
Then the guy at the register impressively asked, "Soooo, that will be two cheese slices and one hot dog, right?"
Things quieted down upon arrival of the food, that is, until Liam realized he didn't have anything but a drink (which Aidan was only letting him hold while he ate his hot dog). By the time we got to the car, Liam was no longer satisfied with the arrangement and he let us know it, loudly. So, I'm loading the kids into their car seats, Liam is screaming for someone to SHARE THEIR FOOD NOW! as the girls each begin tearing off some pizza for him and when I turn around to get out from the back of the truck, this older lady is peeking her head in behind me.
Without a flinch, I tell her I think the baby might be telling me he is hungry. She just chuckled.
"He seems to be quite clear about that [dearie]," she said. "I just don't know how you young moms do it. I can hardly stand going to Costco with him," she said, pointing over to her husband who was loading stuff into their trunk, "much less four kids in tow."
I just shrugged my shoulders and laughed. She went on: "I had seven kids myself, five of them were boys! Blech! But I think I was a little insane back then actually." (Ok, I have to pause here because, didn't she just claim to not know how moms did it? Helllllooooo! YOU HAD SEVEN KIDS! You know better than anyone!)
"Well," I said, "I can certainly relate to the insanity part."
After the brief interaction, we said our goodbyes and I finished loading up my truck. She got into her shiny car (notably free of crushed Cheerios might I add), closed the door, turned the car on, started to fumble around the front seat as she talked to her husband, turned the car back off, got back out and said, "Well, I can't seem to find my purse anywhere and don't recall what I did with it. I suppose I'll just go check to see if I left it in the trunk then." And off she went to search in her trunk.
And that is when it occurred to me, the insanity she acquired many years ago raising seven children, may not quite have been cured by their leaving home. I have to admit, I was kind of counting on that myself.....And so I watched as that last ray of hope disintegrated like a popping bubble right before my eyes. (Camera, fade out on bubble of hope.....aaaaaaaand.....it's gone.)
But wait! Perhaps she just didn't eat enough chicken while raising her kids. She did have a rather full head of hair now that I think about it....(Quick! Send in more bubbles! And a 15- piece bucket of chicken while you're at it!)