And Oops Will Make FIVE!

"What? What did that say? Did that say there's a MONSTER at the end of this book? It DID? Oh no! I am so scared of monsters!" --Grover in The Monster at the End of the Book

So Mother's Day this year was full of um, surprises. Rather, one seemingly daunting surprise. I'm not a huge fan of surprises mind you. Like many people, I like to know what's coming. I like to have the illusion of control. At any rate, it turns out, even though we were content with four kids, (and were certainly taking the proper precautions to keep our family at the nice round number of six) the universe seemingly has other plans in mind for us. A chance at our own TV show perhaps. The need to shop for a used school bus. An all-expense-UNpaid trip to Crazyville. Not exactly sure which showcase we will have the chance of playing for but I do know this: all three of those pregnancy tests came back positive. Can they all be wrong? (And to think, you could have just gotten me a card, Kurt!)

Rewind to eight years ago:

Me (the first day Aunt Flo was a no-show): Hey Kurt, I'm LATE!

Kurt: Have you taken a test yet?

Me: I'm going to go do it RIGHT NOW!

A few minutes later.

Me: Guess what? It's positive! Yay! (As I run off to take EIGHT more tests to confirm.)

Kurt: Congratulations! That is great news!


Six years ago:

Me: Hey Kurt, pregnancy test was positive.

Kurt: Great hunny. I guess we'll need to get a second car and find a bigger home.


Four and a half years ago:

Me: Looks like we're adding number 3.

Kurt: Ok. Sounds good.


Three years ago:

Me: By the way, we're having another kid next month.

Kurt: Cool. What's for dinner?


Mother's Day 2010, and the few days following:

Me: You have got to be kidding me!

Kurt: $@%! How did THAT happen?


So, to answer the questions that I know are coming:

1. Yes, we are both educated people; we know how this works. And yes, we were doing what we should to prevent this, but apparently, this house is drenched in fertility. The previous owners conceived a fifth boy while she had an IUD so we can only assume it is in the air ducts or something. (I told you we needed to have those cleaned out Kurt! Then again, you told me one of us needed to get fixed but alas, here we are.)

2. No, this was not intentional, (see #1) but we will be perfectly capable of parenting another child. We already found placements for at least two of the others (anyone want a cat?) so it should actually be easier (kidding, just kidding.)

3. If my calculations are correct, baby #5 is due in mid-January, right around my mother's birthday. It is still very early (haven't even had a doctor's visit yet) and we don't like to count our blessings before they hatch in this family as we know anything can happen, but that is the scoop as it stands right now.

4. To those friends who are trying to conceive: scratch all that advice I gave you. Here's how you do it:

First, buy lots of great baby gear and really love on it. Then, convince yourself you really don't want any kids; in fact, make every effort to prevent them. Next, start to give away all the aforementioned baby gear, especially the pricey stuff like the pumps and Baby Bjorn. Then, have far too many conversations with friends who are pregnant. Go ahead and give out some of those maternity clothes too while you're at it. Finally, as an April Fool's joke, have some kids go tell your spouse that you are going to have a baby, that you took a test and it said yes! When the shock spreads over his face, have them yell, "April Fools!" You'll have officially been jinxed....say goodbye to Aunt Flo for the next 9 months. (It really was a funny April Fools joke, when the joke was only on him of course.)

5. No, we do not have any names picked out as it is far too early. (Please see #3). But, I'll admit I'm thinking something along the lines of Sikudhani which means "unexpected gift" in Swahili. Or perhaps Tama which means "surprise; complete" or Mataya which means "gift of God." Of course, we'll probably end up with something more like Daisy, as in "Oops-a-Daisy" but, I'm getting ahead of myself here.

If you are a family member or friend finding out about this right this very moment, my apologies. We have barely had time to process it all much less make those phone calls to all the people we know who will want to laugh at us or scold us, or both. Plus, it is still very early, so we won't be telling anyone (including our children!) for at least 7 more weeks...well, unless you count the entire global internet community. (Hey, at the very least, it's an easy way to find out who actually reads this blog....and perhaps hear from you very soon!)

Hope you have a great weekend! I'm off to continue the consoling of Kurt....